You don’t have to be a great leader to realize that different people respond to different motivational styles. You just have to note that fitness culture has been around since the mid-nineteenth century, flooding the public sphere with a relentless stream of positive reasons to get in shape and stay that way, and then take an honest accounting of your own health. All that positive reinforcement seems to work for most people—look how fit everyone on television is!—but it’s painfully obvious to everyone who knows you that it just isn’t working out for you. Fortunately, although you don’t deserve happiness, the fitness industry has easily outsmarted you once again. Check out the Pelotaunt, Saturday Night Live’s attempt to make physical fitness accessible even to deeply damaged weirdos like you.
Wow! You did a really great job of just sitting there, staring at your computer, watching an internet video of something that was recently on television. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if you could approach your own physical fitness goals with the same dedication and sense of purpose? Oh well!