Music

The Absolute Dirtiest Lines on Megan Thee Stallion’s New Album, Ranked

MORRISON, COLORADO - SEPTEMBER 02: Megan Thee Stallion performs onstage during Day 2 of "Red Rocks Unpaused" 3-Day Music Festival presented by Visible at Red Rocks Amphitheatre on September 02, 2020 in Morrison, Colorado. (Photo by Rich Fury/Getty Images for Visible)
Megan Thee Stallion. Rich Fury/Getty Images

How do you top “WAP”? Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion’s collaboration—and the dirtiest No. 1 song in Hot 100 history—debuted in August, along with “its gleefully ribald, vividly acrobatic, shamelessly horny video,” as Slate’s Chris Molanphy put it. The world hasn’t been the same since. A Saturday Night Live debut, a New York Times op-ed, and a Jeopardy clue later—it was a busy fall—Megan Thee Stallion is back with a new album, Good News, and on it the rapper proves she has not run out of inventively filthy things to say about sex. Not even close.

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I’ve decided to mark the occasion with a ranking of the dirtiest lyrics on Good News. Let us stipulate that “dirty” and “dirtiest” here are terms of admiration—distinctions of accomplishment for one of the great nasty wordsmiths of our time. And on this album, Megan Thee Stallion is extremely accomplished.

10. “You ain’t gotta sugarcoat shit ‘less you’re lickin’ on me/ If that’s the case, you need to get the liquor and the honey”

Song: “Intercourse” (ft. Mustard & Popcaan)

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Yes, this album has a song on it straight-up called “Intercourse” (sample lyrics: “Sexual intеrcourse/ Sexual, sexual”). Looking at these “sugarcoating” lines, my thought process was as follows: Combining food and sex is definitely sticky, but how dirty is it? Pretty dirty, in the sense that the mention of honey is a powerful sensory detail, but ultimately, I decided the dirtiness is diminished by the lack of specificity about, uh, where on the body the licking is taking place.

9. “Let you put your hook in my bumper like a repo”

Song: “Intercourse” (ft. Mustard & Popcaan)

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Another line off of “Intercourse”—I’m telling you, this song doesn’t oversell itself—but this one has the distinction of being, unlike our previous entry, actually about intercourse. This is the “I want you to park that big Mack truck right in this little garage” of Good News.

8. “Do it on the dick, do it on the dick, do it, do it”

Song: “Do It on the Tip” (ft. City Girls)

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OK, in case you’re wondering why this one isn’t higher—what could possibly be dirtier than doing it on a dick, which is more or less the definition of many sex acts?—you’ve made my argument for me: The phrase is actually pretty general. Do … what? When Yung Miami of City Girls goes on to rap, “Put this ass on that dick, I’ma spazz on that dick,” that starts to paint more of a picture, but I have to grade on a curve here.

7. “He said, ‘Let’s make a movie,’ and nutted so quick, we made a story”

Song: “Sugar Baby”

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Most of Megan’s dirty lyrics could be classified as braggadocio about her own abilities, but here is a rare, and cutting, sexual diss. This guy wanted to make a whole sex tape, but he only lasted the length of an Instagram story (the disappearing posts on that app are capped at 15 seconds). It’s actually kind of a brilliant commentary on how we’re all content creators now … though I’m not sure the guy would see it that way.

6. “I’ma make him eat me out while I’m watchin’ anime/ Pussy like a wild fox, lookin’ for a Sasuke”

Song: “Girls in the Hood”

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It’s not the anime per se that makes this line dirty—though fans of Naruto, the show being referenced here, seem to approve—it’s the power move of wanting to have it on while being serviced. Also a power move: calling your vag a “wild fox.”

5. “We was bangin’ and he beat that pussy red, SuWoo”

Song: “What’s New”

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Now this is some imagery. (“SuWoo,” at least if Urban Dictionary can be believed, is a call sign for members of the Blood gang.) I didn’t rank this one higher only because it feels a little familiar; Megan herself rapped about how she was “looking for a beating” in this sense in “WAP.”

4. “Num, num, num, num, eat it up, foreplay, OK, three, two, one/ You know I’m the hottest, you ain’t ever gotta heat me up”

Song: “Body”

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Eating noises are just extremely dirty, OK? So is “you ain’t never gotta heat me up.” Things are happening here.

3. “Finger inna di pussy, dat ah pre-warmup/ Gyal, mi sperm thick, mi feed pon walnut”

Song: “Intercourse” (ft. Mustard & Popcaan)

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These lines have the honor of being the dirtiest ones on the album that do not come from Meg herself; they are courtesy of Jamaican dancehall star Popcaan’s patois. For this one, I considered that digital stimulation traditionally comes before cunnilingus in the classic sex-baseball analogy, a thought that threw these rankings into a brief crisis. But I think what seals it here is that “mi sperm thick” is not something you hear every day in a song, to say nothing of “walnut.”

2. “Eat my coochie, lеt’s make a movie, n—/ I’m talkin’ ASMR, let me hear you chew it, n—/ The only L I hold got that V right there next to it/ My pussy tight, but I might let him add some stretch to it, ah”

Song: “Movie” (ft. Lil Durk)

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Revisiting a theme from this list’s No. 7, this time with more success, “Movie” earns its high ranking partly via the previously established rule of the indisputable dirtiness of sex noises. Add in some very evocative word choices like “stretch” and “V” (if “V” can technically be considered a word), and you’ve got the second dirtiest lyrics on Good News.

1. “Lay on my stomach, toot it up, do the crybaby (Crybaby)/ Look back, hold it open, now he annihilated (Yeah)/ Moaning like a bitch when he hit this pussy/ Damn, he probably wanna wear my hoodie (Ah)/ Choke me, spank me, look at me, thank me (Thank me)/ If I give it to another n—, he’ll hate me (He’ll hate me)/ Spit, slurp, give him that work/ Fell too fast for me, now the n— hurt/ Deeper, deeper, I need a reaper/ Thought I was in trouble how he tearin’ them cheeks up”

Song: “Cry Baby” (ft. Da Baby)

This verse in “Cry Baby” could have landed the No. 1 spot based on duration alone, but its consistent specificity really clinches it. The first few lines are practically like step-by-step instructions for plays out of an extremely naughty playbook, then we get choking and spanking, spitting and slurping, “deeper,” torn cheeks … truly, a tour de force of filth. After that, who wouldn’t want to wear Megan’s hoodie?

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