Brow Beat

Brad Pitt Would Have Saved Leonardo DiCaprio’s Life if They Had Sailed on the Titanic Together

Brad Pitt in a tuxedo on the Golden Globes stage, smiling beatifically.
Jack, there’s a boat!
NBC

After winning the Golden Globe for best performance by an actor in a supporting role in any motion picture, Brad Pitt unexpectedly used his acceptance speech to attack one of his fellow actors. Specifically, Pitt made it clear that if he had been cast in the role of “Rose DeWitt Bukater” in the 1997 James Cameron movie Titanic, he would have done more to ensure that Leonardo DiCaprio’s character, “Jack Dawson,” survived the ship’s sinking. “I would have shared the raft,” Pitt told the audience. For reference, here is what happened when Kate Winslet was put in charge of raft-sharing back in 1997.

To be clear, neither Jack Dawson nor Rose DeWitt Bukater is a real person, so neither one died on the real Titanic, and neither Leonardo DiCaprio nor Kate Winslet died during the sinking of the real Titanic or any of the various fictional ones. Furthermore, during the shooting of Titanic, the actors were required to “act out” the situations written down in Cameron’s screenplay, rendering Winslet powerless to prevent Jack Dawson’s fictional death. Nevertheless, Pitt’s tribute to his Once Upon a Time in Hollywood co-star drew an appreciative chuckle from the crowd, including Pitt’s ex-wife Jennifer Aniston—although, as Entertainment Weekly’s Marc Snetiker noted, it looked like she had to ask Reese Witherspoon what Pitt had said:

To allow for further forensic investigation of this important matter, we’ve slowed down the reaction shot of DiCaprio with Aniston and Witherspoon in the background to quarter speed.

It’ll take months to fully Zapruder this important moment in pop culture history, but on a cursory glance, it checks out! Here are Brad Pitt’s complete comments on winning a Golden Globe and Kate Winslet’s crimes against Leonardo “LDC” DiCaprio.

Holy moly! Thank you, thank you so much. Thank you to the eclectic and ever-raucous Hollywood Foreign Press Association. You know, when I was starting out, these names that were just listed, Pacino, Pesci, Hanks, and my de facto mentor from afar, Sir Tony Hopkins—wherever you are, Tony, you know I love ya—were like gods to me. And this is, this is an honor in itself, and all my respect, all my respect, sincerely. I have to start by thanking the man himself, Mr. Quentin Tarantino, the man, the myth, the legend, for this experience, one I’ll never forget. I thank you, my brother. I really appreciate it. I also have to thank my partner in crime, LDC. You know, when, before The Revenant, I used to watch, you know, year after year, his co-stars accept awards, and get up and thank him profusely. I know why: He’s an all-star, he’s a gent, and I wouldn’t be here without you, man. I thank you. Still, I would have shared the raft.

Oh, man. There are so many names, so many people I want to thank from this film who all gave their very best. I’m just going to say thank you—I’m going to squeeze it down to our producers, Shannon McIntosh, David Heyman. I want to thank Tom Rothman for his big balls taking on this film, and the Sony machine. I have some people I love who have been my friends for decades: Cynthia Pett, Jean Ann Black, Bryan Lourd, Jon Liebman, who’s not here—and I want to say hi to my folks, ’cause, hey! They’re back in the Ozarks—I wanted to bring my mom, but I couldn’t because any woman I stand next to, they say I’m dating and it would just be awkward. All right, thank you. Hey—if you see a chance to be kind to someone tomorrow, take it. I think we need it.