Josh Brolin, the Academy-Award nominated actor who turned in bravura performances in No Country for Old Men, Hail, Caesar!, and Inherent Vice, to say nothing of his work in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, has sustained what he described as “#severeperineumburns” after trying out “perineum sunning,” the latest in Instagram wellness trends.
If you haven’t heard about perineum sunning, thank you for allowing me to ruin your day. On Oct. 21, Instagram user “𓂀 𓋹 Metaphysical Meagan 𓋹 𓂀” wrote that she had incorporated “sunning my bum and & yoni🌺 into [her] daily rising routine,” in accordance with an “an ancient Taoist practice.” Benefits of letting your taint catch some rays, according to 𓂀 𓋹 Metaphysical Meagan 𓋹 𓂀, include deeper sleep, better focus, an amplified auric field, reduced leakage of life force energy, and bringing “prana or solar energy from the sun into the organs within the body which strengthens the organs. 🌞” It all sounds very cool and very plausible, which is presumably why Brolin decided to give it a try. But after seeing the results for himself, he was less than delighted. Maybe it’s better if you hear it from Brolin. (The photo he used comes from 𓂀 𓋹 Metaphysical Meagan 𓋹 𓂀’s original post.):
Given Brolin’s experiences, it seems like perineum sunning is a wellness practice that lands in a sort of ill-defined middle ground: Tain’t a legitimate medical treatment, but tain’t a harmless placebo either. There oughta be a word for that.
Here are Josh Brolin’s complete comments on the benefits and dangers of perineum sunning:
Tried this perineum sunning that I’ve been hearing about and my suggestion is DO NOT do it as long as I did. My pucker hole is crazy burned and I was going to spend the day shopping with my family and instead I’m icing and using aloe and burn creams because of the severity of the pain. I don’t know who the fuck thought of this stupid shit but fuck you nonetheless. Seriously. #blackholefriday #blackholesun #severeperineumburns #santamonicafiredepartment #assholecare