Brow Beat

I Am Jesus Christ Is the First Video Game Designed for People Who Are Jesus Christ

A screenshot from the video game I Am Jesus Christ depicting the three crosses atop Golgotha, mid-crucifixion.
Choose Your Fighter. SimulaM / PlayWay S.A.

The holiday season is here, and once again one question is on everyone’s lips: What do you get the tough-to-shop for person on your list who is convinced that he or she is Jesus Christ, the Lamb of God, which taketh away the sins of the world? Frankincense and myrrh are passé, gold costs too much, and the one year you thought you’d found the perfect gift (all the kingdoms of the world, and the glory of them), it turned into a whole thing. This year, however, much as The Beatles: Rock Band bridged the gap between Baby Boomers and their victims a decade ago, video game studio SimulaM has crafted a gaming experience designed to facilitate meaningful conversations between people who believe that they are Jesus Christ and people who do not believe that they are Jesus Christ. (Although that may seem like an extremely limited market, remember: There are more people walking the earth today who believe that they are Jesus Christ than there were in Jesus Christ’s time.) The game is called I Am Jesus Christ and here is its trailer:

I Am Jesus Christ is far from the first video game to faithfully adapt the Bible: It follows so closely in the footprints of Red Sea Crossing, Billy Graham’s Bible Blaster, and Super Noah’s Ark 3D that at times it looks like there’s only one set of footprints. But the new game takes full advantage of next-gen technology to put gamers right in the center of all the heart-pounding itinerant preaching action: healing the sick, calming the seas, cursing a fig tree, suffering under Pontius Pilate, drinking vinegar mixed with gall, gluing Polaroids of the people you meet into a Bible, and, in what promises to be the most epic boss battle in video game history, winning the victory over death by spending six excruciating hours slowly dying on a cross at Golgotha, which is, being interpreted, the place of the skull. Plus you get to wash the apostles’ feet!

A screenshot from video game I Am Jesus Christ showing the first-person view of someone who is washing someone else's foot in a bowl of water.
Keep an eye on your Sacred Heart meter! SimulaM/Playway S.A.

If you’re worried that I Am Jesus Christ may fail to fully capture the message of the gospels, perhaps the game’s official description will set your mind at ease:

Become Jesus Christ, the famous man on Earth—in this highly realistic simulation game. Pray like Him for getting superpower, perform famous miracles like Him from Bible like casting demons, healing and feeding people, resurrection and more in “I am Jesus Christ.” … Game is covering the period from Baptizing of Jesus Christ and to Resurrection. Have you ever wondered to be like Him—one of the most privileged and powerful people in the world?

Jesus Christ.