Brow Beat

Watch Kate McKinnon’s Elizabeth Warren Admit Her BDSM Fetish on Saturday Night Live

Responding to the exquisitely bizarre allegations that she had mercilessly whipped and dominated a 24-year-old Marine veteran hired as a male escort, Kate McKinnon’s Elizabeth Warren appeared on Saturday Night Live’s Weekend Update to dunk on her hapless would-be accusers (much as the real world Elizabeth Warren and her supporters did across social media earlier in the week).

“Part of that is true,” McKinnon’s Warren told host Colin Jost of the allegations, “I am into BDSM: Bank Destroyin’ and Savin’ Medicare. Woooooooo!”

Ostensibly, Warren was appearing on the news segment to discuss her $24.6 million fundraising haul recorded for the third quarter of 2019—a close second to Senator Bernie Sanders’ $25.3 million in campaign donations for that same period, and similarly collected from a large base of grassroots supporters. Her secret to mobilizing this broad base, as Warren told Weekend Update, “Everyday I spend four hours taking selfies with every Warby Parker customer in America.”

But, obviously, the proceedings were quickly derailed by the unavoidable comedic highlight to emerge fully formed from the 2020 U.S. presidential primary this past week: a new delirious exposé from self-described investigators Jack Burkman, lobbyist and one-time a Bush-Cheney 2004 campaign surrogate, and Jacob Wohl, a teenage securities scammer, recently charged with felony fraud in California, turned prolific far right media troll.

At this point, Burkman and Wohl’s effortlessly debunkable press conferences have become “must see” live performances for their proximal resemblance to some kind of Coyle and Sharpe or Andy Kaufman routine. Last Thursday, the duo trotted out a former marine named Kevin Whelly, who described a physically scarring (but not especially credible) sexual encounter with Elizabeth Warren as part of his civilian work as a male escort.

While credibility seems to be beside the point of Burkman and Wohl’s stunts, their claims did manage to fall apart spectacularly, and in record time. Garren James, the owner of the escort service in question, Cowboys4Angels, immediately denied that Whelly worked for his agency at all. (“The guy never even applied to be at our agency,” as James told Rolling Stone. “I would never even hire that guy.”) Then, Whelly’s Marine service records, obtained and reviewed by The Daily Beast, undermined his claim that he was deployed to Afghanistan or anywhere else. Lastly, and perhaps most moronically, a post on Whelly’s Instagram strongly suggested that the scar he claimed to have received from Elizabeth Warren’s cat o’ nine tails was, in fact, a self-inflicted outdoor injury sustained while removing a swing-set chain.

“Look: Rumors have power when they seem true,” as McKinnon’s version of Warren summed it up. “What has ever felt less true than any single part of that?”