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Tituss Burgess Is Making a Cooking Show Where He Shoots Contestants in the Face With a Food Cannon

Tituss Burgess on a red carpet, smiling.
Burgess has the confident smile of a man who will soon be shooting people in the face with a food cannon. Rachel Luna/Getty Images

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt star Tituss Burgess will host a cooking show called Dishmantled, in which he will blindfold chefs, then shoot them in the face with a high-powered “food cannon,” Deadline reports. The show, executive produced by Chopped creator Linda Lea for Good Egg Entertainment and Drew Buckley for Electus, is headed to the yet-to-be-launched streaming network Quibi. For an artist’s conception of what Dishmantled might look like, we take you now to the 1989 “Weird Al” Yankovic vehicle UHF:

Unfortunately, there appears to be more to Dishmantled than the universally-appealing notion of shooting people in the face with high-powered food cannons. A different mystery dish will be loaded into the cannon in each episode, and contestants will be asked to deduce the dish’s identity based on the experience of having it blasted out of a food cannon into their faces. Then they’ll attempt to recreate an unexploded version of the dish under a strict time limit. The chef who comes closest to the original will receive a cash prize.

Focusing on culinary prowess instead of the construction of ever-larger and more powerful food cannons—and worse yet, offering the winning chef a humiliating cash payout instead of the opportunity to reclaim their honor by shooting Tituss Burgess in the face with a high-powered food cannon—seems like a fundamental misunderstanding of Dishmantled’s appeal. Still, there’s plenty of time for Dishmantled to pivot to an all-food-cannon format, since Quibi itself won’t launch until April. And even the disappointing amount of food-cannon-related content in the show’s original concept is a lot more food-cannon-related content than any of the so-called “major networks” are offering. Shoot it directly into our faces.

Correction, Aug. 19, 2019: This post originally misspelled Tituss Burgess’ first name.