Of all the different cultural expressions humanity produces, the one that is most likely to improve with age is, paradoxically, advertising. Part of the reason for that is obvious: an ad for a product people can no longer waste their money on is a bee with no stinger. But a larger part comes from changes in style that make an advertisement’s methods more obvious, as anyone who’s perused the pseudo-scientific language of vintage cigarette ads can attest. It’s not that ads become more effective as ads, it’s that they sometimes accidentally become extremely effective comedy. And the wider the disconnect between what an ad is trying to convince you to do and the way that ad is trying to convince you to do it, the better the odds are. It’s hard to imagine a bigger disconnect than is found in this delightful 1920 ad from the Square Donut Company of America: an epic, incredibly self-serious explanation of why you should invest “all that you possibly can” into the manufacture and sale of square doughnuts, a business which will certainly yield profits “beyond the limits of your imagination.” It all sounds a little too good to be true, but to paraphrase Marge Simpson, why would the Square Donut Company of America give us bad advice? Slate is proud to republish the full facts on SQUARE DOUGHNUTS, as seen in the Washington Post on Aug. 5, 1920.
This Is the Opportunity Created For You By Successful Washington Business Men
Every successful business must have a Product and a Plan—We Have Both. The Square Donut Company of America owns these valuable properties:
A Patent on the SQUARE DONUT.
A Patented Machine which produces SQUARE DONUTS faster and more economically than doughnuts were ever manufactured before. This wonderful machine not only makes better doughnuts, but it eliminates 30 men and saves 35 per cent of the ingredient cost in the production of doughnuts. Two men with the SQUARE DONUT machine do the work of 32 bakers using other equipment.
The company owns the registered trade name DONO—THE SQUARE DONUT together with the copyright design for the SQUARE DONUT carton.
The complete SQUARE DONUT manufacturing establishment located at 344 Pennsylvania Avenue, N. W. Washington, where SQUARE DONUTS are manufactured daily at the rate of 750 to 1,000 dozen per hour to supply the demand for this splendid product opportunity.
These Properties Are of Immense Value—You May Share in Their Ownership
The Square Donut Company of America leases SQUARE DONUT machines, the rights to manufacture and distribute SQUARE DONUTS in our copyright cartons, to subsidiary companies in large cities throughout the United States.
Each subsidiary company pays a generous profit on the cost of manufacture and installation of our machines; contracts for the purchase of certain basic supplies, cartons, &c., through us, and PAYS THE PARENT COMPANY—The Square Donut Company of America—A liberal royalty on ALL SQUARE DONUTS produced and sold in the territory where it operates.
There will not be less than 200 of these subsidiary companies in operation in the United States in within a very few months—the first company was formed in the city of Cleveland, Ohio, and the machines for manufacturing SQUARE DONUTS in that city are NOW BEING BUILT.
Get Out Your Pencil and Figure the Profits For Yourself
We own a generous stock interest in each subsidiary company—sharing in the large daily profits these companies earn. This stock is given to us in partial payment of the valuable SQUARE DONUT franchise.
We realize a substantial profit on the manufacturing and installation of every SQUARE DONUT MACHINE leased by us to subsidiary companies.
We take a profit on the sale of every pound of ingredients supplied to us by the subsidiary companies—and the total annual sales of ingredients to each subsidiary company runs into thousands of tons.
Beyond all this we receive a royalty of ½ cent on every dozen of SQUARE DONUTS produced by subsidiary companies throughout the United States. MILLIONS OF DOZENS OF DOUGHNUTS ARE PRODUCED AND MARKETED EACH YEAR.
Dun and Bradstreet Record the Success of Nationalized Food Products
Look to the success of UNEEDA BISCUITS—of innumerable package food products which have made millions for the men back of them. The doughnut is an American institution. Few other articles of food are as extensively consumed. The demand is constantly increasing. SQUARE DONUTS represent the working out of a proved plan to produce and market this popular product in a national way. Prominent Washington business men are behind this proposition—men who identify themselves with none but successful enterprises.
Here Is Your Opportunity
—A successful business, proved right here in Washington—managed by men known and looked up to throughout this community.
Food products never find dull markets.
By investing all that you possibly can in the Parent company you will be putting your dollars to work in the nationalization of a business which has profit features beyond the limits of your imagination.
Call at our offices—Telephone for an appointment. We are happy to talk SQUARE DONUTS whenever you are ready. Get the full facts on SQUARE DONUTS.
The Square Donut Company of America
336–337 Munsey Bldg., Telephone Main 3663
TELEPHONE OR FILL IN AND MAIL THIS COUPON TODAY!
The Square Donut Co. of America,
336–337 Munsey Bldg.
I am interested in the money-making features of SQUARE DONUTS.
I would like to have a representative call and give me further details without obligation on my part.
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