It’s “The President Is Allegedly a Rapist” week on late night television, as Seth Meyers, Stephen Colbert, and Trevor Noah bring their trademark blends of humor, political analysis, and charm to the task of informing their viewers about E. Jean Carroll, the latest woman to come forward and credibly accuse the President of the United States of sexually assaulting her. And all Johnny Carson had to do was keep that ridiculous Carnac the Magnificent hat from falling off! Here’s how our national jesters are spoofing and goofing their way through the latest evidence that our president has sexually assaulted women over and over again for years. (Trump has denied these charges, and also goes around telling people that he is so awesome that grown men are reduced to tears at the very sight of him.)
Stephen Colbert was first out of the gate, with a segment on Monday that emphasized just how many people have now come forward to say that Donald Trump attacked them. (22, by their count!) He also pointed out that the story was under-covered over the weekend, which somehow managed to be the only surprising thing about the news that the president had been accused of raping someone in a department store dressing room:
Colbert’s sink-pooping analogy is a good one, although it is perhaps not quite good enough to justify conjuring up the mental image of Donald Trump pooping in a kitchen sink:
Let me put it this way: If one person in your life accused you of pooping in their kitchen sink, I could be persuaded to believe that that is a lie. But if over the course of the 73 years of your life, 22 separate people came forward with detailed accounts of the time you had pooped in their kitchen sinks, I’m gonna start thinking you’re a sink-pooper.
The one flaw with Colbert’s approach is that this argument seems to be aimed at an audience that is not yet convinced that Donald Trump has done these things. To the extent those people exist, they are not in good faith or not paying attention, and in either case, they’re total write-offs. Seth Meyers took a more aggressive approach, in a “Hey!” segment that directly addressed the president. Appropriately enough, it directly addressed him as “asshole,” as in, “Hey, asshole, if someone asks you, ‘Did you rape that woman?’ and you say, ‘No, she’s not my type,’ that’s not a defense, that’s a confession.”
The highlight here, to the extent there’s a highlight to be found in anything dealing with this situation, is the photoshopped “John Malkovich situation” image of what Donald Trump sees when he looks at photographs. It’s yet another demonstration that “trying to imagine what’s going on, subjectively, inside Donald Trump’s skull” is a rich vein of comedy, and also it will give you nightmares for months, so here it is again:
At The Daily Show, Trevor Noah also zeroed in on the shittiness of Trump’s “not my type” defense, getting boos and hisses from his audience by reading Trump’s denial aloud.
It’s kind of wild that both Stephen Colbert and Trevor Noah went with analogies about human excrement, until you remember they’re talking about Donald Trump, and then it’s kind of wild that Seth Meyers didn’t. (I guess “asshole” sort of counts?) Anyway, if the sight of three late night comedians presenting even more evidence that the president is a rapist wasn’t enough to send you off into a soothing, numb emotional coma, maybe this will do the trick: Three late night comedians presenting even more evidence that the president is a rapist all at the same time:
Feast your eyes, glut your soul, call your representative and ask them when they’re starting impeachment proceedings.