Brow Beat

Dems, Please Don’t Drive Me Away

Two people dressed in mascot costumes as trolls from the animated movie Trolls, plus one person dressed as Shrek, walking down a rainbow carpet at a Trolls photocall.
“We have some friendly suggestions!” Peter Nicholls/Reuters

If you can keep the Dems from moving leftward,
    No matter what the voters say they want,
If you can herd minorities bereftward,
    And give the one-percenters more to flaunt;
If you can wait for years for single payer,
    And see no reason others shouldn’t too,
If climate change is in your thoughts and prayers,
    Because you’re sure there’s nothing else to do;

If you can dream—but only when in Aspen;
    If you can think—but not think me unkind;
If you can please the average Nebraskan,
    (A person I have made up in my mind);
If you can bear to see the kids in cages,
    Without reminding me I share the blame,
Or watch the planet race to the dark ages,
    And still treat politics like it’s a game:

If you can make one heap of all the bodies
    Then tell the nation that we must move on,
Forget the stuff I wrote about the Saudis,
    Stay civil about other things I’ve done;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
    To serve the vicious interests with a smile,
And kill whatever good there was within you
    Defending bigotry with folksy guile,

If you can talk to crowds but not in Spanish,
    Flatter the rich and fake the common touch,
If you are credulous and Pollyannish,
    If immigration’s fine, but not too much;
If you will let me join your coalition
    And help me steer your boat into a shoal,
Yours is my vote—we hold the same positions!
    I promise you that I am not a troll.