Brow Beat

Conan O’Brien: There’s More to Germany Than Crossbow Murder Sex Cults, Says German Board of Tourism

A stock shot of people in German clothing clinking beer steins at an Oktoberfest celebration.
Here’s to crossbow murder sex cults!

You may have missed the bizarre crossbow murders that occurred in Germany a few weeks ago—Game of Thrones was just about to end and we all had crossbow fatigue—but if you’ve been following the story, the German board of tourism would like it very much if you’d just forget all about it. Conan O’Brien has the details, as well as the first ad in the country’s new campaign to win back any tourists who might be having second thoughts about visiting the fabled “Land of Crossbow Murder Sex Cults.”

There’s a lot to love here—except for the part where Germans are murdering each other with crossbows—but do not miss the international warning signs Conan’s artists dreamed up for “Cannibal Murder Sex Cults” and “Chain Mace Murder Sex Cults”:

A doctored photo of a German hotel with signs promising that crossbows are banned, but cannibals and chain maces are allowed.

Our country may be a complete mess in most regards, but at least our murder sex cults don’t go LARPing around killing people with medieval weaponry. Thanks, Second Amendment!