Brow Beat

10 Questions Raised by the Sonic the Hedgehog Trailer

In addition to, of course, “Why?”

There’s been plenty of confusion surrounding the live-action Sonic the Hedgehog movie ever since its announcement, and the movie’s new trailer leaves us in an even murkier cloud of supersonic dust. Here are several of our most pressing questions.

Is Sonic … an alien?

Some of us thought he was just a normal anthropomorphic sneaker-wearing hedgehog. Is he a hedgehog, an alien, or a hedgehog alien? Are we going to have to brush up on our Sonic canon?

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Why is this trailer scored to “Gangsta’s Paradise”?

Whether Sonic is a hedgehog, an alien, or a hedgehog alien, Coolio’s meditation on the cycle of violence in poor American communities still seems like a confusing music choice, at best.

What happened to James Marsden’s career?

This is a long way from playing an X-Man.

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And Jim Carrey’s?

Has he been spending too much time painting?

If Sonic is from another planet, why does he speak English like Jean-Ralphio?

Are his language-learning skills as speedy as his feet?

And what’s with his body ratio?

He looks more like a very small man in a royal-blue gorilla suit than our classic long-legged ball of barbs. Even Sonic creator Yuji Naka wasn’t convinced by initial images, taking to Twitter to call out the creature’s humanlike torso.

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And his bare hands?

Naka also noted the lack of handwear. Is this an origin story about how Sonic got his gloves?

And those pearly whites?!

While hedgehogs, in real life, do have teeth (Earth hedgehogs, anyway), Sonic typically does not. The trailer’s shot of his full set of choppers is, frankly, terrifying.

Where are the chili dogs?

Popeye has spinach, Garfield has lasagna, and Sonic has chili dogs. The absence of this vital food is conspicuous. Did Paramount fail to work out a licensing deal with Hormel and/or Oscar Mayer in time?

Where are Tails, Knuckles, and the rest of the crew?

Are Sonic’s fox and *Googles* echidna friends still on their own … planet? Are they waiting until the second trailer to see whether this movie can justify its existence? Maybe we’d stay away, too.

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