This post contains hair spoilers—and some regular spoilers—for Avengers: Endgame.
Avengers: Endgame offers many surprises, but foremost among them is the haircuts. While a couple of these new hairstyles have been spotted in the movie’s trailers by eagle-eyed viewers, Marvel kept most of them under lock and key, rightfully regarding them as one of the film’s biggest twists. What do our heroes’ updated manes reveal—and more importantly, how do they look? Below, we count down the Avengers’ new 2024 ’dos, from worst to best.
9. Hawkeye’s Skater Mohawk
This is how you know Hawkeye didn’t reach out to any of his friends after the Great Dust Off: No one sat him down to tell him how stupid he looked. People give you a lot of slack when you’re mourning, as well they should, but sometimes you have to draw a line. Does this pitch-black, dyed-in-a-gas-station-bathroom-sink head pelt, especially when paired with his cry-for-help sleeve tattoo, speak to Hawkeye’s nihilistic death wish? Sure. Is it so dumb it gave me a nihilistic death wish? Definitely.
8. Black Widow’s Avril Lavigne Ombré
Again, I get it. When you’re in the midst of grief, you do some dumb shit to your hair. It’s part of the process. Some of us drain every bit of life out of our tresses in order to feel something, and Black Widow was undeniably hurting. But the auburn-to-blond ombré looks cheap now and will no doubt look even more passé by 2024, by which time I assume we’ll all be nostalgic for the iconic looks of the 2000s. Never thought I’d say this, but bring back Natasha’s stiff bob.
7. The Hulk’s Manageable Tousle
It’s there. Like the new Hulk, it’s flatter and easier to deal with. And like Bruce Banner, you’re not really supposed to notice it in Endgame.
6. Captain America’s Slightly Older–Man Hair
Chris Evans’ blond hair is the one special effect the Marvel movies never managed to get right. His hay hues have tended to at once look unnatural and wash the actor out. This is most obvious in the scene where Captain America fights his earlier self, and the even blonder Steve Rogers of 2014 instantly becomes the one you want to see prone on the ground. Evans’ darker, honeyed Endgame look is an improvement but still wince-inducing. The two Caps may have America’s Asses, but they’ll never have America’s Tresses.
5. Captain America’s Much-Older-Man Hair
One of the ingredients in the super-soldier potion they gave Captain America must be Rogaine, since centenarian Steve still has a brick-thick head of hair. It’s nothing worth writing home about, but it’s the least Peggy Carter (Peggy Rogers?) deserves.
4. Nebula’s Gilded Veneer
Who needs self-care more than a woman who’s the Frankensteined product of her father’s various science projects? When Korean sheet masks won’t cut it, there’s always the option of getting an upgrade on one’s … skull plate. I honestly expected something a bit more imaginative from a space creature whose dad singlehandedly initiated a sequel to The Leftovers. Yet another blond highlight? But judging from her penchant for monochromatism, the gold accessorizing is probably the boldest look Nebula’s ever tried. And given her history with wild experiments, I don’t begrudge her hesitance.
3. Iron Man’s O-So-Slightly Grayer Mane
Maturity’s always been a good look for Tony Stark, so I’m not sure why he’s resisted it for so long. Whatever it is that gajillionaires use to make their silver streaks look distinguished, rather than rundown, it’s definitely working.
2. Captain Marvel’s Soft Butch Quasi-Pompadour
Can we finally admit that Carol Danvers’ loose, TV-friendly curls in Captain Marvel were distracting as hell? Maybe her vaguely defined superpowers include full control over her shoulder-length bob amid life-and-death battles, but it makes sense that by 2024 the world-saving veteran would have finally figured out that the end of the world isn’t the most convenient time to let one’s hair fly in one’s face. Carol’s Tilda Swinton–esque swoop is serious, stylish, and—combined with the straighter lines of her uniform—finally indicative that female superheroes don’t need to pander to the straight male gaze anymore.
1. Thor’s Lebowski Locks
Stay with me. Sure, you could practically smell those oily, heavy, borderline white-guy dreads all the way here in 2019. But like his patterned cardigan and faded sweatpants, Thor’s hair told a story: of his emotional spinout, his desire to conceal himself from the world, and his gods-given gift of perfectly sun-kissed highlights even when the only styling product he’s used in the past half-decade is pizza grease. It’s the yummiest of yucks.
