Brow Beat

Let’s Play Election “Guess Who?” With Samantha Bee

This week, Kirsten Gillibrand officially commenced her presidential campaign, joining 13 other declared candidates, two exploratory committees, and one dithering darling named Joe Biden. To help break down the already crowded 2020 race, Full Frontal host Samantha Bee evaluated the long list of candidates in a new, election-themed version of the old favorite Guess Who?.

Bee’s itemized list includes former Texas congressman Beto O’Rourke, who’s been “running down the batteries in your mom’s vibrator,” Minnesota senator Amy Klobuchar, whose former staffers had a few complaints about her manners and management style, liberal bro favorite Bernie Sanders, whose supporters just might threaten “to murder us in our sleep,” and New Jersey senator and Rosario Dawson beau Cory Booker, a sweet guy who should not be trusted to fix a cocktail.

There’s also Pete Buttigieg, the mayor of South Bend, Indiana and a known Hufflepuff, and Massachusetts Senator Elizabeth Warren, who, despite having some of the most detailed policy plans, is only polling at 6%. Finally, who could forget John Delaney—actually, we could easily forget him, given “no one has ever seen him anywhere.” As for the rest of them, Bee says we can only hope that one of the 16 goes on to beat Donald Trump in the end, otherwise “we’ll be stuck with this toilet monster for another four years.”