Players are on the field, the New England Patriots have kicked off the ball, and all available evidence indicates that the third quarter of Super Bowl LIII has begun. That means that the Super Bowl Halftime Show with Maroon 5, Travis Scott, and Big Boi has happened, presumably in the not too distant past. While Slate’s editorial standards don’t usually favor deductive reasoning over actual reporting, in this case we have little choice: the entire show vanished completely from memory mere seconds after it concluded, and when we played back the tape, the television screen went solid beige for about 15 minutes, then faded out of existence in a lackadaisical puff of boredom. But the smoke and flames visible in the middle of this time lapse footage of the stadium seems to indicate that something happened:
Although it’s impossible to be certain, experts speculate that Maroon 5 sleepwalked their way through a performance of “Harder to Breathe” and “This Love” before Travis Scott completely failed to electrify crowd and home audience alike with “Sicko Mode.” Following a brief cameo from a surprisingly white drumline, forensic evidence indicates that Maroon 5 performed “A Girl Like You” accompanied by the Atlanta gospel choir Voice of Atlanta, then transitioned into “She Will Be Loved” so smoothly that it was impossible to tell where one Maroon 5 song ended and another began. At some point, we presume, there were drones, and also Big Boi from Outkast singing “The Way You Move.” If these trends continued to the end of the show, we can assume Adam Levine took his shirt off and sang “Moves Like Jagger.” But we’ll never know for sure.
Fortunately, however, there was at least one memorable show going on during Super Bowl halftime: people on Twitter commenting on how unmemorable the Super Bowl halftime show was. Here are some of the highlights:
But there was one man who loved the Super Bowl Halftime Show, despite not even being a member of Maroon 5:
Sooner or later, great art finds its audience.