Brow Beat

Stephen Colbert Has Some Suggestions for Trump’s State of the Union Theme

A little over a week since the end of the longest government shutdown in history, Trump is set to make his State of the Union Address, and the theme is nothing if not on brand.

“When it comes to the State of the Union, just like prom, there’s a special theme,” quipped Stephen Colbert. “This year’s theme is Choosing Greatness. Yes, we get a choice. The other choices are Selecting Mediocrity, Settling for Racist, or Fish. I will take the fish please.”

Along with advocating for greatness, the president has also expressed a more unexpected, underlying theme: unity.

“Yes, unity is so important. I want to unify everyone,” Colbert said in his best Trump imitation. “From the heroes who want to keep our borders safe to Nancy Pelosi who wants to see the caravan murder you with a knife made of drugs. Group hug, everybody? Kumbaya, my lord—sounds like an Arab name.”

With or without his address, it seems the president is already inciting unity across the country, just perhaps not the kind he was hoping for.

“Donald Trump says he wants to unite the country, and if you look at his polling numbers, he’s getting damn close,” Colbert said. “In fact, 65 percent of Americans say they will definitely not vote for Trump next year.”

Hopefully the accuracy of polling numbers has improved since 2016.