Brow Beat

Maybe Don’t Let Too-Honest Josh Groban Sing at Your Wedding

If you’re getting married, have $1 million dollars lying around, and need a great bad actor to sing at your wedding, Jimmy Kimmel knows just the guy. Right on time for Valentine’s Day, the late-night host introduced a (sadly fake) new album from Josh Groban, Josh’t Married, which promises “a song for every marital moment.”

Before you hire Groban, you should know that his lyrics are a little too honest about what goes on at the reception. “The best man’s speech was all inside jokes and nobody laughed, nobody laughed,” one song explains. “You really underestimated the desire for shrimp,” Groban warbles on another.

Other hits include:

• We Told You Not to Bring Your Kids
• Sister’s Boyfriend Is Not Serious Enough for the Family Photos
• Randoms, Randoms, Who Are All These Randoms?
• The Beef Is Overcooked
• The Flower Girl Needs to Go to Bed
• You’re Doing a Choreographed Dance for YouTube
• The Bridesmaids Are Getting Slopping
• You Won’t Know 60% of These People in 5 Years
• Why Is No One Dancing?
Hey Ya
• The Ring Bearer S**t His Pants
• There Aren’t Enough Heat Lamps
• Your Dad Won’t Stop Talking About How Much All This Cost
• The Bar Is Transitioning to Cash Only
• Your Boss Is Trashed
• Did the Photographer Leave?
• Nobody Signed the Guest Book
• This Is the Last Song Because the Venue Has a Curfew

He also does bar mitzvahs!

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