Brow Beat

Take Up the White House Burger

Donald Trump presides over a banquet table overflowing with fast food.
I never drink … wine. An official White House photo, believe it or not.

Take up the White House burger—
Send forth your football teams—
Make them eat Quarter Pounders,
Make them be Twitter memes;
Stack the McNugget sauces,
In color-coded piles,
To please a rotten president,
Half-devil and half-child.

McNugget Sauces in silver gravy boats.
Saul Loeb/AFP/Getty Images
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Take up the White House burger—
A Value Menu feast,
To prove you’re no elitist
Your insides must be greased;
The special sauce and tallow
Will send you on a quest
To seek a White House bathroom,
And leave a White House mess.

President Trump presents a table full of fast food.
Chris Kleponis - Pool/Getty Images
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Take up the White House burger–
The savage balls of beef—
Fill full the mouth with French fries
And unwashed lettuce leaf;
And when the last bite’s swallowed,
Intestinal toxicity.
E. Coli eats your insides up
As payment for complicity.

A silver tray of whoppers.
Chris Kleponis - Pool/Getty Images
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Take up the White House burger—
A tawdry meal of kings,
Platters of cardboard boxes—
Filled with disgusting things,
Filets-O-Fish congealing,
Whoppers as cold as dread,
It’s unfit for the living,
It’s unfit for the dead.

A White House table loaded with fast food.
White House
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Take up the White House burger—
And reap what ye have sown:
A hasty coronation scene,
Atop a porcelain throne—
As late night hosts find humor
In your battle with bacteria:—
“Why brought he them this garbage
When he’s got a cafeteria?”

Trump looks awkwardly on as a White House staffer lights an elaborate candelabra over a table full of fast food burgers.
Pool/Getty Images
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Take up the White House burger—
Ye dare not turn it down—
Lest your display of snobb’ry draw
A Presidential frown;
Go home before complaining,
Or next time you’re alone,
The silent, sullen President
Will murder you by drone.

Trump and the burgers.
Chris Kleponis - Pool/Getty Images

Take up the White House burger—
Have done with self-respect—
You chose to visit Donald Trump
It’s time to genuflect.
Comes now, to twist your conscience,
Until it can’t be straightened
Cold, topped with processed cheese,
A hamburger from Satan!

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