Brow Beat

Andy Samberg Tells 17 Funny Rejected Golden Globes Jokes (and One Unforgivably Bad One)

Andy Samberg has been keeping busy with fatherhood, the return of Brooklyn Nine-Nine and, of course, co-hosting the Golden Globes with Sandra Oh. During a stop by Late Night With Seth Meyers he talked about preparing for the awards ceremony, explaining that time constraints meant having to cut some jokes from the final routine. Samberg shared 18 of the rejects with Meyers’ audience, where a handful fell flat—it helps if you know Spike Lee attends a lot of Knicks games—but many had even Samberg cracking up as he told them.

These are our favorites:

• “Around 1,300 people attended the Golden Globes this year … and only one will leave.”

• “Crazy Rich Asians is up for two awards, and Crazy Rich White People are up for the remaining 200.”

• “Roma was nominated for Best Director and Best Foreign Film. Guys, do yourself a favor: Go out and watch this one on the biggest phone you can find.”

“Roma is such an emotional experience. When it was over I literally sat there and cried for a full 5 seconds before Netflix started blasting a new movie where Kurt Russell plays Santa Claus.”

• “BlacKkKlansman was nominated, and judging by the upper- and lowercase lettering in the title, is also a Wi–Fi password.” (Samberg credits this joke to comedian John Mulaney and does a fine impression.)

• “The Good Place is nominated. It’s a philosophical afterlife comedy that asks complicated questions like, ‘Can Ted Danson still get it?’ Not that complicated, the answer is yes.”

• “Netflix beat out Amazon tonight as the most-nominated streaming service, while the best ‘streaming’ scene was Bradley Cooper wetting himself in A Star Is Born.” (Samberg says Meyers sent him this joke “five minutes before the show.”)

• “If Beale Street Could Talk, I think it would say, ‘Ouch, stop driving on me!’ ” (This one is so unforgivably, groan-inducingly bad that it’s actually kind of good.)