Somewhere in Hollywood, some algorithm-driven Westworld robot of a TV executive has apparently decided that the real threat is human life itself. How else to explain the decision to cast former White House communications director Anthony “the Mooch” Scaramucci on the next season of Celebrity Big Brother?
Scaramucci, you will now have no choice but to remember, had a tumultuous eleven-day run in the Trump administration, during which he decided to tell Ryan Lizza, “I’m not Steve Bannon, I’m not trying to suck my own cock.” And now, thanks to whoever’s making decisions over at Celebrity Big Brother, we all get to spend a little more time watching the Mooch, listening to the Mooch, thinking about the Mooch, and getting to know the Mooch a little better. Although this is Scaramucci’s first venture into reality television, except for his brief stint on Salò: Trump Edition, his fellow contestants are all veterans. Here’s the rundown:
• Jonathan Bennett, from reality TV shows Cake Wars and Dancing With the Stars!
• Tamar Braxton, from reality TV shows Braxton Family Values and Dancing With the Stars!
• Kandi Burruss, from reality TV shows Real Housewives of Atlanta and The Kandi Factory!
• Tom Green, from reality TV shows The Celebrity Apprentice and For the Love of Ray J!
• Joey Lawrence, from reality TV shows Splash and Dancing With the Stars!
• Ryan Lochte, from reality TV shows What Would Ryan Lochte Do? and Dancing With the Stars!
• Lolo Jones, from reality TV shows The Challenge: Champs Vs. Stars and Dancing With the Stars!
• Kato Kaelin, from reality TV shows Celebrity Boot Camp and Gimme My Reality Show!
• Dina Lohan, from reality TV show Living Lohan!
• Natalie Eva Marie, from reality TV shows Total Divas and, let’s face it, WWE Raw!
• Ricky Williams, from reality TV show The New Celebrity Apprentice!
If that’s not enough reality for your TV, please note that this season of Celebrity Big Brother, like last one, will be hosted by Julie Chen, wife of disgraced CBS head Les Moonves, who signed off last season as “Julie Chen Moonves ” in what was widely seen as a statement of support for her husband. If the thought of watching all these people hang out together isn’t enough to make you smash in your telescreen and voluntarily stroll on over to the Ministry of Love for a nice long rest in Room 101, be patient: There’s plenty of time between now and the show’s Jan. 21 return to announce special guest stars.