Brow Beat

“D*** in a Box” Is a Christmas Movie

Justin Timberlake gives a Christmas present to Kristen Wiig.

The holidays have come around again, which means we’re all facing a nearly impossible task: Finding movies that embody the spirit of the season while still being violent enough for dads to enjoy. It’s a difficult needle to thread—yuletide classics like Christmas Evil are too sappy and sentimental for kids these days, while modern takes on the season like Santa’s Slay just don’t have enough Christmas elements to qualify. But there’s one universally beloved film that’s largely absent from the conversation, simply because most people don’t think of it as a Christmas movie in the first place. I’m speaking, of course, of the 2006 Saturday Night Live digital short “Dick in a Box,” the finest, most festive Christmas movie ever made. Pour yourself some mulled wine and take a look:

I know it sounds a little crazy to describe “Dick in a Box” as a Christmas movie—so much so that you’d probably think anyone who said “Dick in a Box” was their favorite Christmas movie was really quirky and cool and interesting—but look at the facts:

• It’s set during Christmastime.
• There’s a Christmas tree in it.
• It’s about Christmas presents.
• At one point Justin Timberlake sings, “It’s Christmas.”
• “Dick in a Box” is an anagram for “Cabin, Kid, Ox,” which sort of sounds like a nativity scene.
• The non-Christmas holidays mentioned in the song all take place around Christmas.
• Bruce Willis’ estranged wife is named “Holly.”

Case closed! Although “Dick in a Box” is an unconventional Christmas movie, it definitely qualifies, and it would be a waste of everyone’s time to spend the next thirty years debating an essentially meaningless genre classification. So this year, avoid the annual Christmas fight over the remote by giving your family the gift they really want: A USB stick with “Dick in a Box” on it. If you need another gift to go with it, well—you know.