Brow Beat

Jimmy Kimmel Presents a New Toy to Help Kids Spin Their Bad Behavior for the Elf on the Shelf: Huckabee in a Tree

A ghastly looking Sarah Huckabee Sanders doll on a Christmas tree.
Putting the White House Press Secretary back in White House Press Secretarymas.

Everyone who lived through the 1990s had to put up with a lot of bullshit from conservatives about their supposed fear that children might inadvertently learn about oral sex thanks to Bill Clinton. Weirdly, those same people don’t seem to be too worried about the lessons a new generation might draw from the Trump administration’s very public demonstration that lying, cheating, and shamelessly spewing racism, antisemitism, and misogyny can get you a whole lot further in life than sleeping with your interns or your president. It turns out conservatives can tolerate an awful lot of moral turpitude from people on their side of the aisle, and as we all know, capitalism dictates that if someone else can tolerate something, no matter how unpleasant it is, we have a responsibility to monetize it. Which leads us to Jimmy Kimmel’s “Huckabee in a Tree”:

Kimmel doesn’t offer a recommended age range, but it seems pretty clear Huckabee in a Tree should only be given to children who are already familiar with Elf on a Shelf. It’d be dangerous to teach a child how to lie before forcibly instilling him or her with a healthy respect for authoritarian surveillance states. Get the order wrong, and that child might employ his or her newfound skill with counterfactuals to imagine ways to make the world a better place, instead of using their imagination the way God intended: to weasel out of trouble and avoid punishment. You’ve got to be carefully taught.