A24, the independent film distributor, has announced that it is teaming up with the Brooklyn-based candle company Joya Studio to produce a line of candles “inspired by classic film genres.” These waxy bad boys are going for $48 a piece and will last you “approximately 33 movies.”* The products aim to elevate the movie-watching experience beyond “wafts of hot butter, worn velour, and failed experiments with Smell-O-Vision” by offering scents for six film genres:
• Thriller: Unorthodox. Roasted. Smoky. Metallic.
• Musical: Green. Lovely. Dewy. Watery.
• Horror: Leathery. Dank. Not unsettling … but not settling.
• Western: Explosive. Sweet. Jarring.
• Noir: Velvety. Dark. A little spicy. Like rose jam.
• Adventure: Hot. Sand. Mayan ruins.
Slate has managed to procure the formulas behind some top-secret bonus scents that didn’t make the official list:
• Romantic Comedy: Roses. Snowmelt. That burnt jet fuel smell that makes you feel vaguely sick when you’re in the airport chasing your one true love.
• Costume Drama: Tea. Parchment. Colonialism. Inequality. Tea, again.
• Sports: Sweat. Rubber. Not the smell of a high school gym … but not not the smell of a high school gym.
• Sci-Fi: Earthy, but also metallic. The pig scene from Black Mirror.
• Animated: Sweet. Damp. A little salty. Like the tears running down your face.
• Superhero Movie: Motor oil. Spandex. MacGuffins. Lots and lots of cash. You are literally burning money. But it doesn’t matter, because they know you’ll buy the next candle anyway.
Correction, Nov. 29, 2018: This post originally misstated that the price was $24 per candle. They are $48 each.
