Sports

Patriots Beat Chiefs as Both Teams Hurtle Into the Void in a Burst of Blue Flame

FOXBOROUGH, MA - OCTOBER 14:  Tremon Smith #39 of the Kansas City Chiefs runs with the ball in the third quarter of a game against the New England Patriots at Gillette Stadium on October 14, 2018 in Foxborough, Massachusetts.  (Photo by Adam Glanzman/Getty Images)
It was like this for 60 minutes.
Adam Glanzman/Getty Images

Tom Brady and the Patriots handed the Kansas Chiefs their first loss of the season on Sunday night, but the real winner was whoever cut the brakes on this jet-powered drag race of a football game. The two offenses combined to score 83 points, and the game was bound to be won by whoever had the ball last. New England held that honor on Sunday, and Stephen Gostkowski kicked a 28-yard field goal as time expired to tip the contest in favor of the Patriots, 43-40.

The storyline heading into the game was youth versus experience. Patrick Mahomes, Kansas City’s electric second-year quarterback, was squaring off for the first time against Tom Brady. Would the once and future king usurp the all-time great? Or would Brady assert his dominance before a national audience? Considering each quarterback helped his team amass approximately one million yards and 9,000 touchdowns on Sunday, the answer seems to be that we learned nothing. Both these teams are going to keep scoring until the sun explodes, at which point they’ll just start running up the score in the dark.

The frenetic pace of Sunday’s game rendered the constraints of time and chronological narrative pointless, so here is a random list of things that happened. Sort through it however you please.

—The first punt came with 3:55 left in regulation.

—Starting at the end of the third quarter, Tyreke Hill scored 3 touchdowns in roughly 13 minutes.

—He broke the sound barrier on this one.

—My ears are still ringing from it.

—Rob Gronkowski shoved a guy nearly off the screen.

—The Chiefs ripped the ball from Brady’s withered hands in a shocking case of televised elder abuse.

—Brady ran for a touchdown after Kansas City rookie Breeland Speaks neglected to tackle him in a shocking case of televised filial piety.

Set your alarm for January and get some sleep. You’ll want to be well rested in case these teams face each other in the playoffs.