Brow Beat

If You Find the Phrase “Oinko the Boinko” Funny, This Unaired Conan Sketch Is Everywhere You Want to Be

A person in a pig costume wielding an inflatable mallet at the back of the Conan set.

There’s an old saying in comedy: “The only thing funnier the phrase ‘Oinko the Boinko’ is watching a room full of professional comedy writers realize that the phrase ‘Oinko the Boinko’ is not going to be anywhere near enough to carry an entire sketch, even if it’s accompanied by a man in a pig costume hitting people on the head with a mallet.” It’s as true today as when it was written, as this unaired sketch from Conan makes abundantly clear:

Here’s Andy Richter’s assessment of the viability of “Oinko the Boinko” as an actual sketch for Conan to run on television:

This is like, the sketch that we would do if we were a faking being a sketch house as a cover for our drug smuggling operation. Like, “No, we’re a real show! We did this sketch!”

Richter is correct, except for one thing: writer Andrés du Bouchet, who seems to be the mind behind “Oinko the Boinko,” completely loses it during the rehearsal, and that joke—that du Bouchet managed to get “Oinko the Boinko” all the way to rehearsal on nothing but a half-assed Mandela Effect premise and sheer enthusiasm —is killer. Du Bouchet’s delight at watching his co-workers get boinked on the head with a mallet by someone in a pig costume is matched only by his delight at making his coworkers spend their time and money staging a rehearsal of “Oinko the Boinko,” and in both cases the delight is contagious. “I just love the piggy,” this modern Promoinktheus manages to spit out between peals of laughter. Sometimes you just gotta try stuff.

Here are the complete lyrics to Oinko the Boinko’s famous theme song:

Oinko the Boinko

Oinko the Boinko,

Oinko the Boinko,

Oinko the Boinko!

With an oink oink oink and a boink boink boink,

And an oink boink boink and a boink oink oink,

Oink bonk boink!

Boink oink oink!

Oinko the Boinko!