Romance is dead: to begin with. There is no doubt whatever about that. Saturday Night Live cast member Pete Davidson and pop star Ariana Grande, the celebrity couple whose engagement captivated a nation, have called it quits, according to TMZ. Their engagement is off too, so anyone in the market for a $90,000 secondhand diamond (VVS1, 3.03 carats) should reach out to the unhappy couple, who announced their engagement in May, just a few weeks after news broke they were dating. Now it’s all over. TMZ says that both Grande and Davidson acknowledged “it was simply not the right time for their relationship to take off.” The usual celebrity relationship caveats apply: “the two still have love for each other,” and they “aren’t ruling out the possibility of anything in the future,” but those are pretty thin straws to clutch at.
It seems like it was only two weeks ago that Davidson was discussing how unlikely his relationship with Grande was to begin with, because it was only two weeks ago. “I get it—she’s the number one pop star in the world and I’m that guy from SNL who everyone thinks is in desperate need of more blood,” Davidson told Colin Jost in a “Weekend Update” segment that will no doubt be obsessively studied by Grande-Davidsonologists looking for signs of impending doom.
You know I don’t even get royalties from that “Pete Davidson” song? Like, if we break up—and we won’t—we will—but we won’t, but like in ten years, if God forbid that ever happens, there will be a song called “Pete Davidson” playing in speakers at Kmart, and I’ll be working there.
Talk about tempting fate. Davidson may have lost a fiancée, but it seems like maybe he’s got the gift of prophecy in return. We’ll find out in ten years. In the meantime, romance is as dead as a door-nail.