Brow Beat

This Jimmy Kimmel Video Is Titled “Woman Crushes Watermelons With Her Thighs,” and, Well, That’s What Happens

Kortney Olson, Guillermo Rodriguez, and a civilian standing in front of a watermelon stand.
Xenia Onatopp, eat your heart out. ABC

In his unfortunately-titled 1895 self-help book Successward: A Young Man’s Book for Young Men, Edward Bok had the following to say about the importance of honesty in business:

…whatever else he may strive to be, he must, above all, be absolutely honest. From honorable principles he can never swerve. A temporary success is often possible on what are not exactly dishonest, but “shady” lines. Such success, however, is only temporary, with a certainty of permanent loss. The surest business successes—yes, the only successes worth the making—are built upon honest foundations. There can be no “blinking” at the truth or at honesty, no half-way compromise. There is but one way to be successful, and that is to be absolutely honest; and there is but one way of being honest. Honesty is not only the foundation, but the capstone as well, of business success.

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It’s advice that Bok felt strongly enough about that he repeated it over and over again for an entire paragraph. It’s also advice that Jimmy Kimmel has taken to heart on his own successward journey. For example, there’s a video on his YouTube page entitled “Woman Crushes Watermelons With Her Thighs,” an implicit promise to Kimmel’s customers that the video will contain footage of a woman crushing watermelons with her thighs. Watch Kimmel build a solid foundation of trust by delivering exactly what he promised:

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To understand the art and science of Kimmel’s salesmanship here, it’s helpful to consult Elliott Withers’ idiosyncratically typeset and punctuated 1913 manifesto, Salesmanship: An Artistic Science:

All Salesmanagers, Advertising Men, Salesmen, and, in fact, all those, who, by a spoken or a written word, come into contact with the people, are and have to be Truth Men!

You get people’s Attention—you make them See You—by being “different,” by possessing a developed personality which comes from experience, knowledge, and thought. You create a Desire in their minds—you make them Want your goods or service and want to do business with you—by having goods or services that they need, or ought to have. And you get their Confidence—you make them Believe in you—by telling them the plain Truth about Yourself and Your Goods, with a genuine sincerity that carries conviction.

In this case, Kimmel uses the title of his video to create Desire in his audience’s mind—to make them Want to watch a woman crush watermelons with her thighs—then earns their Confidence by showing them a woman—in this case, bodybuilder Kortney Olsen—crushing watermelons with her thighs. So here’s to Jimmy Kimmel, Master Truth Man, for providing us all with a sterling example of Artistic, Scientific Salesmanship by telling the plain Truth about Himself and His Video of a Woman Crushing Watermelons With Her Thighs.

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