Brow Beat

A Full and True Account of the Witchcraft Practiſed in the Trailer for Netflix’s Magic for Humans

Justin Willman, levitating a ball.
Man, there is never a Witchfinder General around when you really need one! Netflix

After having given the World a full and true account of the Witchcraft practiſed by Criſs Angel, I was in hopes that I ſhould have no further Occaſion to divert my Pen from ſome other much more important Subjects, which I was engag’d in, both by Duty and Inclination.

But being inform’d, that Netflix, together with Mr. Juſtin Willman, had releaſed a Trailer for a Televiſion Programme, in which were ſhewn many Acts of Sorcery, &c., I thought my ſelf oblig’d not to remain ſilent, when I had ſo much to ſay. In order to which, I firſt preſent my Reader with a YouTube Video; and it is humbly hop’d, that it will be put in the Ballance with the Foul Acts of Mr. Angel, before forming an Opinion as to whether there are truly ſuch perſons as Witches:

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Mr. Willman, as ſeen in the Trailer, performs great and terrible Feats of Witchcraft and Sorcery, heedleſs of the Damnation that muſt ſurely follow, viz.:

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• He has borrow’d a Tele-Phone and uſed it to ſummon a vile Spider.
• While ſeated at Table, he has Cauſ’d a Plate to Move without Touching It.
• He has pull’d an Umbrella from an Envelope, for ſome reaſon.
• He has done ſome ſort of Bullſhit with Dream Catchers, it looks like?
• He has Transform’d a ſtack of Papers Moſt Ordinary into Banknotes emblazon’d with the Countenance of Mr. Benjamin Franklin.
• He has ſwallow’d ſomething which caus’d him to vomit Blood, while ſeeming inſenſible of the Pain, then told a Joke about the Spice Girls.
• Doooooooooooooog YOGA!

Given theſe Incontrovertible Proofs against Mr. Willman and the ſerious Nature of his Offenſes, it is to be hop’d that he will be brought to ſwift Tryal at the next aſſizes and made to anſwer for Conſorting with the Devil.

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