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If You’d Like to Buy a Waterboarding Kit Autographed by Dick Cheney, Today Is Your Lucky Day

A two-gallon plastic jug, autographed by Dick Cheney.
The pee tape may not be real, but this sure is. Showtime

It’s increasingly common for movies and TV shows to auction off props and costumes, whether the goal is raising money for charity, raising money for TV and movie producers, or even making a point about Alex Jones’ integrity. But although anyone with way too much disposable income can buy a small piece of film history, artifacts that have broader historical significance usually end up in museums. Until this weekend, anyway: Sacha Baron Cohen is selling the “waterboard kit” he got Dick Cheney to autograph on eBay, with proceeds going to Amnesty International.

The eBay listing, for “ORIGINAL WATER BOARD KIT SIGNED BY VICE-PRESIDENT DICK CHENEY!!” has a description ostensibly written by Colonel Erran Morad, the Israeli anti-terrorist expert character Cohen memorably used to trick Republicans into supporting a guns-for-toddlers program in last week’s episode of Who Is America. It’s pretty comprehensive:

Here is a rare opportunity to own a WATER BOARD BOTTLE SIGNED BY the Godfather of the sport - American war hero and all-round mensch, VICE-PRESIDENT DICK CHENEY.

Unlike the cheap domestic water board kits you can buy on Amazon, this is a professional grade piece of military hardware. Fully functioning, it have seen many hours active use by me, both on the frontline of the War on Terror and also in my own home, where it has proved very effective at keeping my son, Eyal, in line. Indeed, if you too live in a bungalow, water boarding is a great alternative to the “naughty step”.

EBay filed it under “Collectibles > Bottles & Insulators > Bottles > Modern (1900–Now) > Other Modern Bottles,” presumably because they don’t have a “National Disgraces” category; bidding currently stands at $2,801. The auction ends Tuesday, but don’t worry about missing out: The fallout from America’s decision to torture prisoners is still expected to continue indefinitely.

Update, July 23, 12:04 PM: The eBay listing appears to have been taken down, and so far neither eBay nor Showtime seem to have responded to requests for an explanation.

Update, July 25, 3:13 AM: The water board kit has been re-listed on eBay, minus its original description. It’s now called a “MILITARY WATER BOTTLE” and has been filed under “Collectibles > Autographs > Political > Other Political Autographs.” The new auction will end Thursday.