LeBron James’ four-year deal with the Los Angeles Lakers changes the NBA landscape for the foreseeable future, but that’s about all we know for certain right now. Specifics as to who he’ll play with, how they’ll perform, and what other teams will do to counteract Los Angeles’ move are still very much up in the air. This is but the beginning of a very long offseason, and we already have a bunch of questions.
Who/what will the Lakers trade to get Kawhi Leonard?
The San Antonion Spurs forward and 2014 NBA Finals MVP is reportedly dead set on playing for the Lakers next season. The Los Angeles front office may have had reservations about parting with its young talent before LeBron signed his long-term contract. Now, assuming James would like to play alongside the best defender in the league, the onus will be on the Lakers to offer San Antonio whatever it wants in order to facilitate a trade. At minimum, I expect that to be:
-Future 1st round draft picks
-The destruction of all video evidence of Derek Fisher’s game-winner from the 2004 Western Conference Finals
-Jack Nicholson (and make him say nice things about the River Walk)
-Lonzo Ball and LaVar Ball in a package deal, as demanded by noted Big Baller Brand hypebeast Gregg Popovich
Did the Philadelphia 76ers brass at least get to sightsee in L.A. after their meeting with LeBron’s representatives?
Maybe just Skype in next time.
Will LeBron issue a correction for his “I’m Coming Home” article?
“I always believed that I’d return to Cleveland and finish my career there.” Those were LeBron’s words in 2014, when he announced in a story co-authored with Sports Illustrated’s Lee Jenkins that he would be returning to the Cavaliers as a free agent. Assuming no correction is issued, we have no choice but to pencil James in for yet another return to Cleveland in 2022.
Who’s going to rip the Toronto Raptors’ hearts out now?
Now that he’s in the Western Conference, LeBron will get to destroy the city of Toronto and everything its citizens hold dear only twice a season. This is a great opportunity for young players who want to see the world and be a part of a wonderful tradition of beating Toronto in the playoffs. Applicants must have a passport and hate Tim Hortons.
How many championships will Dan Gilbert win before LeBron wins his first with the Lakers?
In his infamous 2010 Comic Sans manifesto, the Cavs owner responded to LeBron’s original exit out of Cleveland with a potent mix of grief and delusion, writing, “I PERSONALLY GUARANTEE THAT THE CLEVELAND CAVALIERS WILL WIN AN NBA CHAMPIONSHIP BEFORE THE SELF-TITLED FORMER ‘KING’ WINS ONE.”
The Cavs won an NBA championship in 2016, but historians will note that it came after LeBron had already won two titles with the Miami Heat. Historians will also note that LeBron won that title with the Cavs in 2016.
I assume Gilbert is hacking away at the ol’ Compaq Presario at this very moment, and he has to like his odds today even more than he did in 2010. After all, LeBron was teaming up with Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh back then. He’s now joining a Lakers team that is very much in flux, which should give Gilbert plenty of time to rebuild his juggernaut on the Cuyahoga.
“I PERSONALLY GUARANTEE THAT THE CLEVELAND CAVALIERS WILL WIN A BAKER’S DOZEN OF NBA CHAMPIONSHIPS BEFORE THE SELF-TITLED FORMER THEN CURRENT AND THEN FORMER AGAIN ‘KING’ WINS ONE (WITH THE LAKERS).”
Yeah, that sounds right.
Will the Lakers lose to the Golden State Warriors in five or six games next postseason?
Stay tuned to find out!