After its 1–0 loss to Portugal on Wednesday, Morocco officially has no path out of the group stage and won’t be appearing in the World Cup’s knockout round. It’s a crying shame, as the “Lions of the Atlas” not only have the best nickname in the tournament, but they also play fun, attacking soccer. (They just couldn’t find a way to score.) Another shame is that Morocco’s comically handsome coach Hervé Renard will grace our television sets for just one more game.
I mean, look at the photo at the top of this post. Our man has the jawline of a yacht.
What’s left for ol’ Hervé once he bows out after Monday’s game against Spain? The French manager has previously coached Zambia and the Ivory Coast, but his talents may be wasted on the touchline. Here are a few other employment possibilities for this piece of marble statuary come to life.
Option 1: Tennis instructor at a South Florida country club who starts giving lessons to your grandmother and poof her security deposit box is empty and her last will and testament simply says Hervé in massive cursive letters.
Option 2: He runs a ski school and challenges a group of plucky ne’er-do-wells to a downhill race to decide who’s the real King of the Mountain once and for all.
Option 3: Cologne scarecrow. (He just stands in a field and scares birds while smelling like Acqua Di Giò.)
Option 4: Concierge at one of those secret rich-guy resorts where you hunt people for sport.
Option 5: Podcaster. Not a handsome-guy thing, but lots of people have podcasts now and it seems like a fun job.
Option 6: Cliff diver who stays submerged for a little too long, but just as the sense of dread begins to ripple through the audience, he emerges from the depths and excitedly yells, “You’re not going to believe what I found down there!” (It’s treasure.)