Sports

What Will Handsome Morocco Coach Hervé Renard Do Now That His Team Is Out of the World Cup?

Photo illustration: Herve Renard, head coach of Morocco's men's soccer team, looks on during the Wednesday match between Portugal and Mexico. The background is a stylized set of soccer net–like panels.
Herve Renard, head coach of Morocco, looks on during the 2018 FIFA World Cup Russia group B match between Portugal and Morocco at Luzhniki Stadium Wednesday in Moscow.
Photo illustration by Slate. Photo by Dean Mouhtaropoulos/Getty Images.

After its 1–0 loss to Portugal on Wednesday, Morocco officially has no path out of the group stage and won’t be appearing in the World Cup’s knockout round. It’s a crying shame, as the “Lions of the Atlas” not only have the best nickname in the tournament, but they also play fun, attacking soccer. (They just couldn’t find a way to score.) Another shame is that Morocco’s comically handsome coach Hervé Renard will grace our television sets for just one more game.

I mean, look at the photo at the top of this post. Our man has the jawline of a yacht.

What’s left for ol’ Hervé once he bows out after Monday’s game against Spain? The French manager has previously coached Zambia and the Ivory Coast, but his talents may be wasted on the touchline. Here are a few other employment possibilities for this piece of marble statuary come to life.

Morocco's French coach Herve Renard leads a training session at the Luzhniki Stadium in Moscow on June 19, 2018, on the eve of the Russia 2018 World Cup Group B football match between Portugal and Morocco. (Photo by Fadel SENNA / AFP)        (Photo credit should read FADEL SENNA/AFP/Getty Images)
Fadel Senna/Getty Images

Option 1: Tennis instructor at a South Florida country club who starts giving lessons to your grandmother and poof her security deposit box is empty and her last will and testament simply says Hervé in massive cursive letters.

Morocco's coach Herve Renard watches the qualifying match Morocco vs Mali for the Fifa World Cup Russia 2018 on September 1, 2017 at the stadium 'Prince Moulay Abdellah' in Rabat. (Photo by FADEL SENNA / AFP)        (Photo credit should read FADEL SENNA/AFP/Getty Images)
Fadel Senna/Getty Images

Option 2: He runs a ski school and challenges a group of plucky ne’er-do-wells to a downhill race to decide who’s the real King of the Mountain once and for all.

Morocco's French national football team coach Herve Renard takes part in a training session in Port-Gentil on January 27, 2017, during the 2017 Africa Cup of Nations football tournament in Gabon. / AFP PHOTO / Justin TALLIS        (Photo credit should read JUSTIN TALLIS/AFP/Getty Images)
Justin Tallis/Getty Images

Option 3: Cologne scarecrow. (He just stands in a field and scares birds while smelling like Acqua Di Giò.)

Morocco's coach Herve Renard attends the Russia 2018 World Cup Group B football match between Morocco and Iran at the Saint Petersburg Stadium in Saint Petersburg on June 15, 2018. (Photo by Paul ELLIS / AFP) / RESTRICTED TO EDITORIAL USE - NO MOBILE PUSH ALERTS/DOWNLOADS        (Photo credit should read PAUL ELLIS/AFP/Getty Images)
Paul Ellis/Getty Images

Option 4: Concierge at one of those secret rich-guy resorts where you hunt people for sport.

Morocco's coach Herve Renard gestures from the sidelines during the Russia 2018 World Cup Group B football match between Morocco and Iran at the Saint Petersburg Stadium in Saint Petersburg on June 15, 2018. (Photo by Paul ELLIS / AFP) / RESTRICTED TO EDITORIAL USE - NO MOBILE PUSH ALERTS/DOWNLOADS        (Photo credit should read PAUL ELLIS/AFP/Getty Images)
Paul Ellis/Getty Images

Option 5: Podcaster. Not a handsome-guy thing, but lots of people have podcasts now and it seems like a fun job.

SAINT PETERSBURG, RUSSIA - JUNE 15:  Herve Renard, Head coach of Morocco looks on prior to the 2018 FIFA World Cup Russia group B match between Morocco and Iran at Saint Petersburg Stadium on June 15, 2018 in Saint Petersburg, Russia.  (Photo by Julian Finney/Getty Images)
Julian Finney/Getty Images

Option 6: Cliff diver who stays submerged for a little too long, but just as the sense of dread begins to ripple through the audience, he emerges from the depths and excitedly yells, “You’re not going to believe what I found down there!” (It’s treasure.)

Read the rest of Slate’s coverage of the 2018 World Cup.