Brow Beat

Here’s a Dishonest Tweet from Secretary of Homeland Security Kirstjen Nielsen and Also Five Limericks

Kirstjen Nielsen.
Profiles in courage.
Olivier Douliery-Pool/Getty Images

Here is an unusually Orwellian lie from Secretary of Homeland Security Kirstjen Nielsen:

And here, because there’s no way to respond to this kind of thing substantively without losing your goddamned mind, are five limericks:

We are not stealing kids at the borders,
We’re not giving them panic disorders,
And those screams that you hear
Aren’t from children in fear,
But we won’t be admitting reporters.

Even back in the dark middle ages,
People rarely put children in cages,
But our motives aren’t tribal,
We’re inspired by the bible:
The part that says sin pays good wages.

Responding to war crimes with limericks,
Is a bullshit performative gimerick.
This pre-emptive admission
Gives me lifetime permission,
To pursue all my stupidest whimericks.

It’s not nice to call right-wingers racists,
At the most you should call them “birthplacists.”
Only hemming and hawing,
Can keep them from withdrawing,
Till our country’s a total disgracist.

The immigrant threat must be banished,
Even if a few toddlers get vanished.
If their parents had cared,
They would never have dared,
To have come over here speaking Spanish.