Sports

These Amazing LeBron Assists Deserve Names

CLEVELAND, OH - MAY 19:  LeBron James #23 of the Cleveland Cavaliers handles the ball in the second half against the Boston Celtics during Game Three of the 2018 NBA Eastern Conference Finals at Quicken Loans Arena on May 19, 2018 in Cleveland, Ohio. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by downloading and or using this photograph, User is consenting to the terms and conditions of the Getty Images License Agreement.  (Photo by Gregory Shamus/Getty Images)
Passing can be pretty cool sometimes.
Gregory Shamus/Getty Images

After two feckless performances in Boston, the Cleveland Cavaliers returned to their home court on Saturday and blew out the Celtics, 116-86. Unlike in games one and two of the Eastern Conference Finals, the Cavs seemed to be generally aware of the concept of defense and its importance, and they didn’t trail once during the contest.

Cleveland also got some offensive help from players not named LeBron James or Kevin Love, though LeBron was rather good yet again (15 years in a row—it’s a trend!). He scored 27 points on just 12 shots, but his dozen assists were what really set the tone. A few of his dimes looked like prototype plays for some as-of-yet unknown sport, and the passing angles were rather rude, geometrically.

It would be nice to get a codified lexicon hammered down in case we see these kinds of assists again, so I’ve come up with a few names that should be committed to memory before Game 4, which is on Monday.

“Reaching over the glass at Pinkberry to surreptitiously snag an off-brand hard-shelled candy.”

“Bowling during a gopher attack.”

“Shaving in the airplane lavatory.”

“Substitute chemistry teacher wheeling in the TV.”

“Finding the Airbnb host’s Quadratini stash.”