“Uh-oh, uh-oh, just watch a porno.” So urges the Honest Trailer for Fifty Shades Freed, the final big-screen installment in the erotic romance trilogy—at least, until the inevitable reboot in five years. What better way is there to bid farewell to Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey than by ruthlessly mocking them? Ruthlessly mocking them and creating a spot-on parody of Beyoncé’s “Crazy in Love” remix, which she released for the first Fifty Shades movie.
The faux trailer takes a few cheap shots at the subject matter and covers some well-worn criticisms about the actors’ lack of chemistry, even going so far as to look up “sexual intercourse” in Merriam-Webster. But it also makes the very valid point that Christian and Ana are actually the villains of the Fifty Shades franchise (although it misses out on the clear signs that Christian Grey is a Sith lord). Both protagonists are billionaires with honest-to-goodness henchmen, a secret room full of restraints and torture devices, and a shadowy corporation doing … something … in Africa. “Ten bucks says it’s a moon laser that runs on blood diamonds,” suggests the narrator.
And yet, after all that, we’re supposed to believe that the bad guy is the one driving the Dodge Durango?! God, I’m going to miss these movies.