All hell broke loose Monday when we learned that Sean Hannity is Michael Cohen’s secret third client. A media frenzy ensued around the Fox News personality—what did this mean? Was it good or bad? What did Hannity have to say? And does this explain why he got so uppity about the FBI’s Cohen raid? These are all excellent questions in the wake of this political shitstorm, but Wednesday night, Samantha Bee proposed an even better one: Is Sean Hannity a serial killer?
Hear her out guys—this “totally serious, very real Full Frontal investigation” is true journalistic genius. It all starts with Bee speculating as to why Hannity even needed Cohen’s services, and comes to a head after she reveals a clip of Michael Avenatti saying, “Michael Cohen was [Hannity’s] long-time attorney, and effectively probably knows where all the bodies are buried.”
Yeah, I’ll let that sink in.
The Full Frontal case unfolds thusly: If some of the main criteria for serial killerdom are bedwetting, low self-esteem, average intellect, cruelty to animals, lack of success with women, and obsession with fire, Sean Hannity fits the bill. Armed with Fox News clips as evidence, Bee lays out her argument. Hannity is obsessed with Trump’s pee tape, sucks up to the president, “[does] not possess unique or exceptional intellectual skills,” hates PETA, constantly brings up his awkward relationship with his sisters, and loves the phrase “fan the flames.” Check, check, check. Oh, also, he owns a crazy amount of sheds.
Obviously, this entire segment is a joke. The “proof” that Hannity is a serial killer is about as substantial as theories that Ted Cruz was the Zodiac Killer. The piece’s best (and truest) moment comes at the beginning, when Samantha Bee explains why they should be allowed to report such nonsense:
I know what you’re thinking: You can’t just throw together a bunch of scary buzzwords and out-of-context clips to support an outrageous conclusion. And normally I would agree with you, but you know who does that all the time? Sean Hannity. His whole show is just an hour-long list of lies and conspiracy theories, but people think it’s news because he doesn’t sweat as much as Alex Jones, and because he’s on a channel that calls itself news. So, yeah, the deceitful editing to reach an outrageous conclusion? We’re gonna keep doing that.