Brow Beat

“Why Would You Burn Your City Down When You Won?”: Late Night Hosts on Philly’s Euphoric Post-Super Bowl Riots

Trevor Noah suggests the guy who ate horse poo during the riots may need to eat a Tide Pod.
The guy who ate horse poo during the riots may actually need to eat a Tide Pod (but not actually).
Comedy Central/The Daily Show with Trevor Noah

The City of Philadelphia became, in the words of Slate correspondent Jake Blumgart, “extremely Philly” following Sunday’s Super Bowl win, with just the right amount of breaking things, climbing poles, and punching horses (none, on that last one). The nation was enraptured by the rapture that took over the Philly streets, and late night responded accordingly.

The Daily Show

On Monday’s Daily Show, Trevor Noah voiced his mock confusion over the victorious fans’ destructive joy: “Why would you burn your city down when you won? Now I feel like the Eagles fans need to lose every year so they can go out and fix things.”

“You could tell they were new at this,” Noah joked, in reference to the fact that this was the Eagles’ first ever Super Bowl win, and an unexpected one at that. “It sounds like the Eagles fans thought they were going to lose so they planned a riot, then they won, but they didn’t want to let it go to waste.”

Putting aside his confusion over why happy fans were going out and destroying their own city, Noah zeroed in on something equally baffling: the jubilant Eagles fan who started eating horse poop.

“I never thoughts I would say this, but we found the one guy who actually needs to eat Tide Pods. We found him,” said Noah, with an added on-screen warning not to eat Tide Pods, or horse poop. Because in 2018, such warnings are very much warranted.

Jimmy Kimmel Live

Over on Jimmy Kimmel Live, Kimmel’s team compiled some of the funniest and most joyful footage from the revelry: Food fights in convenience stores, men tipping over cars and beating their chests, and rioters crowd diving off the Ritz awning (and subsequently breaking the Ritz awning). With very little to be done to contain the rioting, even the police were letting their fanatic flags fly, with one clip showing a whooping, smiling cop high-fiving people as they ran past. “I don’t think I’ve ever been that happy about anything in my life,” said Kimmel.

As if a historic Super Bowl victory and night of gleeful savagery weren’t enough, Kimmel has something that might make Eagles fans even happier. For a once-in-a-lifetime win like Sunday’s, Kimmel created a once-in-a-lifetime piece of memorabilia: a gold statuette of Rodney McCloud’s crotch tackle of a leaping Brandin Cooks, called “Face Full of Crotch.”

With a night of unforgettable memories in their hearts and “Face Full of Crotch” on the shelf, elderly Eagles fans can finally die now.

The Late Show with Stephen Colbert

Stephen Colbert offered up yet another fake news segment aimed at exaggerating something that was already fairly ridiculous: a post-Super Bowl local news bulletin in which the hosts delivered more and more outlandish reports on the activities going on within the city.

When “WNQX News” tried to cut to the Philadelphia mayor, they found he had been “overturned and set on fire,” as per most things in Philly that night. There were also reports that fans were “dry humping the Liberty Bell” and had “commandeered a Cheese Whiz tanker and have driven it up the Rocky steps and are now doing unthinkable things to the Rocky statue.” Really, it’s not that much crazier than a mob cheering on a guy eating horse shit off the ground.

Go Eagles.

Rachel Withers

Rachel Withers is a Slate Brow Beat assistant.