There’s a special kind of pain that comes from seeing bad craftsmanship in a field you’re good at, whether it’s cooking or astronauting. Jimmy Kimmel knows this—imagine how many strangers must try to tell him jokes—so there’s something more than a little sadistic about this segment, in which he made hairstylists look at Donald Trump’s hair. To be fair to Kimmel, however, someone’s had to consult the experts: The footage, in which Trump gave the world a Groundhog Day glimpse of the back of his very bald pate, deserves to be analyzed at least as closely as the Zapruder film. Here are a few things the experts had to say:
• “Looks like the backside of a dog!”
• “It’s bad.”
• “It’s awful!”
• “That looks like ostrich butt. That looks like the behind of an ostrich.”
It’s not surprising that people who do nothing but try to make hair look good would be horrified by Trump’s “vermicelli Medusa” look. What is surprising is the sensible advice one of the hairstylists has: work four or five cans of pomade into the four or five remaining strands of hair on Trump’s gleaming dome. While it seems unlikely that the pomade would do much to improve Trump’s appearance, the entire country would surely rally behind the idea of pouring a bunch of greasy pomade on top of the president’s head. Here’s an artist’s conception of how that might work:
While dumping gallons of pomade on Trump’s head would an unconventional hairstyling method, he already seems pretty committed to styling his hair unconventionally. How hard could it be to sell him on this?