Brow Beat

New York City’s Late-Night Hosts Were Not Impressed by the Subway Bomber

How embarassing.

Still via Comedy Central

On Monday, a 27-year-old man tried to blow up a pipe bomb at the Port Authority Bus Terminal, but really he only succeeded in inconveniencing a lot of people, since he was the only one to sustain serious injuries. Stephen Colbert and Trevor Noah, both of whom tape their shows in New York, were not impressed with this attempt to bring chaos down on the city’s transit system, which is already pretty chaotic.

“Nice try,” said Colbert on The Late Show on Monday night, addressing the bomber directly:

New York commuters don’t even flinch when the subway break dancers kick two inches away from their face. They have to battle rats for the seat—which, for the record, you should only give up if the rat is pregnant. Come on. Come on. You tried to sow chaos and confusion in the Port Authority bus station? That is the normal state of affairs at the Port Authority bus station. There’s a pretty good chance your little explosion may have scoured some of the grime off the wall—thanks.

Colbert also got in a joke about New Yorkers’ priorities. “Now you’re going to jail for a long, long, long time, and all New Yorkers want to know is—does that mean your apartment is free? And is it rent-controlled?”

Trevor Noah also got in on the fun, telling the bomber, “you might be the best terrorist in your little-ass town, but this is New York City, beyotch.” The screw-up was so embarrassing, he suggested, that ISIS would do better to claim credit for a masturbator on the F train.