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Thanksgiving Stress? Maybe This 12-Hour Recording of Turkeys Gobbling Can Help!

Thanksgiving Coming Out of Her Well to Shame Mankind.

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Thanksgiving! Is there any other word that so perfectly embodies the spirit of Thanksgiving? If there is, we should change the holiday’s name to whatever that word is, probably. But whatever name it goes by, Thanksgiving can only mean one thing: Playing 12 hours of turkey sound effects at increasingly high volume until your family goes home and leaves you in peace. Say hello to your new favorite holiday record, courtesy of YouTube user “The Twelve Hour Movie Specialist”:

Yes, that’s hens and tom turkeys you’re hearing, gobbling, yelping, cackling and purring in a veritable symphony of Thanksgiving. It’s twelve hours long, though, so it’s very important to think about pacing before the big day begins, in order to minimize your stress and maximize everyone else’s.

When your guests arrive, the sounds of turkeys gobbling softly in the background should seem like an eccentric but nevertheless seasonally appropriate soundtrack choice. How quickly you increase the volume is up to you, but remember that 85 decibels is the threshold for damaging your guests’ hearing, so you’ll need to reach that level before the conversation turns to politics. Beyond that, the only limits are your own imagination, your speakers, and your neighborhood’s electrical grid. There’s probably no time to install a stadium sound system this year, but even a humble home theater setup can make your guests feel fully surrounded by the ceaseless gobbling of gigantic, deafeningly loud, flightless birds. Talk about having a lot to be thankful for!