In a decision that will definitely not create a bad precedent, lead to further complications for McDonald’s, or give anyone an inaccurate impression of how much other people should care about their personal choices about what art or processed foods they consume, McDonald’s has decided to give Rick and Morty fans what they crave: the return of the Szechuan Chicken McNugget/Buttermilk Crispy Tenders dipping sauce they’ve all been extremely mad about online since the fast food giant botched Saturday’s limited promotional re-release.
In a tweeted statement that appears to have been written by flacks in danger of being wished into the cornfield, McDonald’s assured Rick and Morty fans that it was real fine that they threw a tantrum over inadequate chicken sauce supplies, real, real fine, and we are all so glad that they did that:
Szechuan sauce—which went into its chrysalis in 1998 as an advertisement for Mulan and re-emerged as an advertisement for Rick and Morty while somehow remaining an advertisement for McDonald’s the entire time—will return this winter, proving once and for all that fandom has had a net positive impact on our culture and cuisine. But if you simply can’t wait, here’s a recipe to make your own!
Rick and Morty Promotional Szechuan Sauce
- Fill your favorite “dippin’ trough” with water.
- Add sugar, distilled vinegar, wheat, soybeans, corn starch, salt, corn vinegar, apple cider vinegar, ginger, soybean oil, sesame seed oil, xanthan gum, preservatives (sodium benzoate and potassium sorbate), spices, yeast extract, garlic, wheat starch, natural flavor, citric acid, and safflower oil to taste.
- Add a pinch of dextrose.
- Throw in a bunch of chicken.
- Remove the chicken.
- Eat the chicken.
If you prefer a more authentic 1998 flavor, here’s our best guess at the original recipe. The high fructose corn syrup provides a sweeter finish, while succinic acid brings a sour edge that will linger long after it’s eaten away all the enamel on your teeth. Don’t worry, though: there’s still plenty of xanthan gum and sodium benzoate, plus even more of that great dextrose flavor Rick and Morty fans crave.
“Classic” Mulan SzeChuan Teriyaki Dipping Sauce
- Fill your second-favorite “dippin’ trough” with high fructose corn syrup.
- Add water, tomato paste, grape vinegar, distilled vinegar, salt, soy sauce (water, wheat, soybeans, salt), food starch modified spices, dextrose, soybean oil, natural smoke flavor (plant source), xanthan gum, caramel color, garlic powder, cellulose gum, dried chili peppers, malic acid, natural flavors (fruit and vegetable source), onion powder, and sodium benzoate, to taste.
- Sprinkle a few drops of succinic acid over the whole thing.
- Just fuckin’ dive in face-first, man, why not? Bathe in the stuff. Nothing matters.
Whichever recipe you prefer, one thing is certain: It was a good, good day.