Brow Beat

In These Troubling Times, Here’s Tina Fey Dropping Truths About Neo-Nazis While Stress-Eating a Sheet Cake

If you thought Rooney Mara scarfing down most of a pie in one take in A Ghost Story was impressive, wait until you see Tina Fey demolish almost an entire sheet cake. Fey, a graduate of the University of Virginia, appeared on one of Saturday Night Live’s special summer editions of Weekend Update to weigh in on the events that rocked her college town last weekend. “It broke my heart to see these evil forces descend upon Charlottesville,” she told Michael Che and Colin Jost. “Then [Donald Trump] comes out and he condemns violence on ‘many sides’ and I’m feeling sick, because I’ve seen Raiders of the Lost Ark and I wasn’t confused by it. No, Colin, Nazis are always bad.”

With nine more rallies like the one in Charlottesville planned around the country this weekend, Fey offers an alternative to counter-protesting and giving neo-Nazis any more attention than they deserve: “Instead of participating in the screaming matches and potential violence, find a local business you support, like a Jewish-run bakery or an African-American-run … bakery,” she advised. “Order a cake with the American flag, and just eat it.”

In case those instructions weren’t clear enough, she went on to demonstrate with a cake of her own, speaking through mouthfuls of frosting to condemn the “white boys in polo shirts” who want to “take our country back.” And yes, she admits, your instincts will probably drive you to want to yell back at them, “It’s not our country, we stole it from the Native Americans! And when they have a peaceful protest at Standing Rock we shoot at them with rubber bullets! But we let you chinless turds march through the streets with semiautomatic weapons!” But Fey urged viewers to ignore those instincts and yell into the cake instead.

“I really want to encourage all good, sane Americans to treat these rallies this weekend like the opening of a thoughtful movie with two female leads,” she concluded. “Don’t show up.”