Captain, you’ve heard of the internet? Network of networks, TCP/IP? Luke, would you embed that tweet for the captain, please? Read this carefully, Captain. This is monitored out of the internet. It has been verified as Wings actor Steven Weber’s tweet:
The internet was one of the most outstanding inventions this country’s ever produced. It was brilliant. It was outstanding in every way. It watched this clip of Twin Peaks and West Side Story star Russ Tamblyn dancing in the 1956 Glenn Ford Western The Fastest Gun Alive, and after that, the internet went wild. Its ideas, its methods became … unsound. Unsound.
You see, Willard, on the internet, things get confused. Power, ideals, the old morality, culture blog traffic goals. Out there on the internet, it must be a temptation to be God. Because there’s a conflict in every human heart between the rational and the irrational, between Twin Peaks: The Return-era Russ Tamblyn selling shovels and Fastest Gun Alive-era Russ Tamblyn dancing on shovels, between good and evil. And good does not always triumph. Sometimes the dark side overcomes what Lincoln called “the better angels of our nature.” Very obviously, the internet has gone wild over Russ Tamblyn’s shovel dance in The Fastest Gun Alive. Completely and utterly wild.
Your mission is to proceed through the viral video clip above, follow it, learn whatever you can along the way. When you find the internet, infiltrate its mainframe by whatever means available, and terminate the internet’s command. Terminate … with extreme prejudice. You understand, Captain, that this mission does not exist, nor will it ever exist?