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Now You Can Watch Twin Peaks: The Return Without Stealing Showtime

Kyle MacLachlan on Twin Peaks: The Return.
Kyle MacLachlan on Twin Peaks: The Return.

Suzanne Tenner/Showtime

Diane. 12:14 p.m., June 3rd. Looking for a way to watch Showtime’s Twin Peaks revival without subscribing to cable or risking my reputation at the bureau by asking to borrow a password, one mile across the river from the other Diane’s apartment. I’ve never seen so many pop-up ads in my life. As W.C. Fields would say, I’d rather be here than Philadelphia. Eighty degrees on a slightly overcast day. Weatherman said rain. If you could get paid that kind of money for being wrong 60 percent of the time, it’d beat working. Mileage is 33,594, gauge is on reserve, riding on fumes here, I’ve got to tank up after I watch the first episode. Remind me to tell you how much that is.

Breakfast was, uh, $6.31 worth of ingredients at Gelson’s, that’s on Hyperion near Griffith Park Boulevard. That was a scrambled egg, a slice of toast, a tangerine, and a cup of coffee. Damn good food. Diane, if you ever get up this way the coffee is worth a stop. OK. Looks like I can watch the first two episodes of Twin Peaks: The Return on YouTube. Shouldn’t be too hard to remember that. The videos are even embedded in this very page. I guess I’m going to click “play” on the video above this text, and see what David Lynch has been up to. Looks like this version has been censored, though, with giant black bars obscuring anything not network-friendly. Still, I hear it’s damn fine television. Peak, even. When I finish the first episode, I’ll be clicking “play” on the video embedded below the text to watch the second episode. Then I’m going to try to find a way to pay Showtime for a high-definition, uncensored video stream of the rest of the show, reasonably priced. That’s what I need, an uncensored high-definition stream, reasonably priced.

Update, June 5, 11:25 a.m.: Diane, it looks like these episodes have mysteriously disappeared from YouTube. I’ve asked the network why they’ve been removed, and whether it’ll be re-uploading them to its page. In the meantime, I suppose I’ll run for more doughnuts.

Update 2, June 5, 11:53 a.m.: I’ve just received the following explanation from Showtime: “The first two parts were available for sampling on YouTube from Friday through Sunday. The sampling window is now expired and the parts have been removed.”