In today’s crowded news environment, we recognize that you have a choice when it comes to watching teaser trailers for upcoming Smurf movies. That’s why, here at Slate, we pride ourselves on going the extra mile for our Smurf-movie–loving readers. For more than 20 years, we’ve given you the Smurf teaser trailers you love, with the commentary and context that makes sense of your Smurf teaser trailer world. This Wednesday, we’re taking Smurf teaser trailer news coverage to the next level. Above, you’ll find the American teaser trailer for Smurfs: The Lost Village: more than 34.5 seconds of fourth-wall–breaking hilarity. That’s 819 still images of the Smurfs, plus images of text that will get you even more hyped up, like the question, “YOU THINK YOU KNOW THEIR WORLD?” And could that be Ludacris in the background, singing a song about awkward urinal encounters? This is the kind of content that gets you clicking on the share button before it’s even finished playing. Go ahead; we’ll wait.
But let’s face it: Any news site worth its salt will provide you with the American teaser trailer for Smurfs: The Lost Village. You come to Slate for the kind of global, sophisticated perspective that suits your urbane consumer lifestyle. One teaser trailer for Smurfs: The Lost Village is fine for those Vulture proles on the subway, but we’re in private rail car territory here. So close your eyes and visit the calmest oasis in your memory palace: the grand salon o Guido Cavalcante’s hunting lodge, Poccetti frescoes above you, the Oltrarno below. Imagine the velvet aroma of the Brunello di Montalcino in your right hand. You can tell before it reaches your lips that these grapes ripened in 1997: The wine, just coming into its own now, tastes of more civilized times. Prodi. Clinton. The end of history. Now click play on the international teaser trailer for Smurfs: The Lost Village:
Ah, Firenze! From the gigantic text bubbles making sure that every line of Smurf dialogue is perfectly understandable to the absence of the Motion Picture Association of America’s hateful “The following preview has been approved for appropriate audiences” screen, they do things a little differently on the continent. The international teaser is longer—no pandering to American attention spans here—and replaces Ludacris with Andy Grammer, probably a nod to European feelings of economic insecurity. It’s a more refined vision of Smurfs: The Lost Village, and you are just the person to appreciate it. That’s why Slate went to the extra trouble to present you with not just one teaser trailer for Smurfs: The Lost Village, but both of them. Any website can bring you the Smurfs. Slate brings you the world.