Brow Beat

The Simpsons’ Groundskeeper Willie Shares His Thoughts on Scottish Independence

On Sept. 18, Scots will vote on whether to sever ties from the United Kingdom and assume independence. Many voices have spoken on the subject, but now we have the last word: the opinion of The Simpsons’ Groundskeeper Willie, one of the most famous and nationalistic Scots of all time.

Willie begins with tact, noting that he was initially reluctant to take sides—though, naturally, there is a “right one” and an “obviously wrong one.” Which is which? Take a wild guess. In his subsequent diatribe supporting independence, Willie lauds oil and whiskey as national treasures, plugs his campaign to be Scotland’s fearless leader, and concludes by ripping off his shirt and showing off an “Aye or Die” birthmark. That’ll show all those cheese-eating surrender monkeys.

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