Five-ring Circus

Care Bears on Acid

Emily Hughes

Dana e-mailed me this morning with the news, gamely vowing to write dispatches up until the moment of delivery. She gets a gold medal for dedication, but I think it’s for the best that we’ve brought in her Olympic alternate. Does this make you feel like Emily Hughes? And do you think Chinese ice skaters are forced to compete even while in labor?

Bravo to Joey Cheek. But did you see that he plans to retire from the sport immediately after these games? Cheeky, we hardly knew ye. Happy trails as you speed-skate into the sunset.


So, I was sort of making an off-handed comparison between pairs skating and luge, but now you’ve forced me to defend it. Let me say this on the side of the lugers: They’re traveling 90 mph. With no airbags or seatbelts! Those precious skating ladies can’t be floating through the sky at more than 15 to 20 mph, and more important: Show me the female ice skater with a nickname like “speeding white sausage.” You can’t! Point luge!

Regarding the bitchy skating commentary: I totally agree. I noticed the same thing earlier this week from a male commentator. (I’m pretty sure it was Dick Button.) He audibly sighed as he complained that the couples weren’t crouching low enough in their sit spins. It made me want to triple-axel-throw him out on his ass.

Tonight: More Bode. And also Johnny Weir, the delightfully flamboyant male figure skater who once described his costume as “Care Bears on acid.” Be sure to tune in and turn on.