Monetize Next-Generation Eyeballs

This column has in the past expressed a certain fascination with stock market and New Economy jargon–and useless doublespeak such as the vogue for the term “solution.” So I was very pleased this morning to receive from one of my Slate colleagues a link to the “Web Economy Bullshit Generator.” Sorry about the language, but that’s what it’s called.

It’s very easy to use. Click a button, and magical jargon simply appears, and any of it may be used to describe anything from your division’s goals to what it is you plan to do with your company once you get past the venture capitalists. Engage impactful models, for instance. Or enable robust architectures. Maybe monetize next-generation eyeballs. You get the idea.

I gather this tool isn’t new. I mentioned it to my well-informed girlfriend E, and she knew all about it. In fact she pointed me to another site worth looking at, This one doesn’t give you the same instant gratification–it walks you through a multi-step lampoon of the tech company naming, logo-ing, and catch-phrasing process–but it’s still pretty amusing.

As for the “Web Economy” generator, it may not be new, but it is fun, so enjoy it now, before these phrases start appearing in actual business plans.