In all the last-minute preparations for Christmas this year, Slate neglected to inform its readers that Homestarrunner.com has posted a thrilling new Dangeresque adventure, a shocking error we are correcting today. Dangeresque, you will recall, is Strong Bad’s homemade action movie franchise—installments include Dangeresque II: This Time, It’s Not Dangeresque 1, and Dangeresque 3: The Criminal Projective—in which Dangeresque fights the law, but he also fights the crime, but not as much. This time, Dangeresque has to get by without his sidekick Renaldo, probably because this episode was done with puppets instead of animation and there’s no Coach Z puppet. But he gets some holiday help from Firebert, a member of the G.I. Joe-like “Cheat Commandos.” Homestar also makes a crucial appearance in the role of “Stingy Relenque,” a French-Canadian smuggler who owes more than a little to Twin Peaks’ Jacques Renault.
Thematically, however, Dangeresque: Puppet Squad – The Hot Jones Hijack is even bleaker than Twin Peaks. While Dale Cooper’s quest to save Laura Palmer from her inevitable fate leads to disaster, Dangeresque doesn’t even mention Cutesy Buttons, his one-time love interest—it’s apparently too painful for him. Instead, he spends this entire installment attempting to procure a beverage called “Hot Jones” so that he can attend the Cheat Commandos’ Decemberween party. It’s sad to see America’s favorite private eye, crooked cop, secret agent and celebrity pharmacist reduced to substance abuse and social climbing, but it feels right for 2017, a year in which our heroes failed us. Or did I?
One more thing
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