What Washington is talking about.

Zeitgeist Checklist: Scraggly-Haired White BoyWhat Washington is talking about this week.

By Christopher BeamPosted Friday, April 13, 2007, at 4:43 PM ET

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Don't Hate the Players
Media. Scraggly-haired white-boy radio host Don Imus is fired amid outrage that he referred to the Rutgers women's basketball team as "nappy-headed hos." Imus apologizes profusely, making sure to mention that some of his best friends are nappy-headed hos. Defenders point out that Imus' remarks are nothing compared with what many gangsta rappers say all the time. But even Snoop Dogg calls for his ouster, pointing out the difference between Imus insulting college students and his own references to "hos that's in the 'hood that ain't doing shit, that's trying to get a nigga for his money. These are two separate things." In other media news, the Onion comes to D.C.; Zeitgeist surrenders.

Who's Your Biological Daddy?
Celebrities. After two months of popcorn-munching drama, a DNA test concludes that Anna Nicole Smith's baby-daddy is floppy-haired photojournalist Larry Birkhead. "I told you so," Birkhead tells reporters, implying that this could have been over a lot sooner if everyone had just listened. The baby wonders if they can run the test once more just to be sure. Towheaded former Playboy model Willa Ford will play Smith in the forthcoming biopic Anna Nicole—perhaps the most physically schizophrenic role since Robert DeNiro's turn in Raging Bull.

Now They Can Throw a Real Party
Crime. The North Carolina attorney general drops all charges against three former Duke lacrosse players accused of gang-raping a stripper. They may now return to their normal lives, if you can call crippling notoriety and lifetime Googlability normal. But as this case closes, another opens: Silver-maned District Attorney Mike Nifong, condemned by the AG as a "rogue" prosecutor, is already the subject of a bar-association investigation and may also face charges for withholding exculpatory evidence. If convicted, he could be sentenced to mauling by Duke fans.

Pac It Up
Sports. The NFL suspends dreadlocked Titans cornerback Adam "Pacman" Jones and Bengals wide receiver Chris Henry for their off-field conduct. Jones, who faces charges related to a shooting in a Vegas strip club, insists he's simply taking a break to spend some quality time with his lawyer. Redheaded NFL commissioner Roger Goodell chides them for "damaging the reputation of players throughout the league" and tarnishing the otherwise wholesome reputation of the NFL.

Take Off Your Helmet and Stay a While
Iraq. The Defense Department announces a surprise minisurge: Active-duty soldiers will have their tours extended from a year to 15 months. Elsewhere, a suicide bomb rips through the cafeteria of Iraq's parliament building, killing eight and wounding many more. It's the worst attack yet on the Green Zone, but balding Sen. John McCain says it is not part of the "larger picture." Muqtada Sadr, meanwhile, encourages Shiite militias and Iraqi security forces to stop fighting one another—a touching call for solidarity amid so much sectarianism. Now they can focus on blowing up Americans.