The XX Factor: What women really think.

On Don Draper's Pledge to Be a Better Man

As Frank Rich pointed out in the Sunday New York Times, this season of Mad Men has a new tagline—no longer "Where the truth lies," but rather, "The World's Gone Mad." Things seem relatively normal in the early 1963 moment with which the season begins—though by year's end, we know that history alone, not to speak of the tangled lives of Mad Men's ensemble cast, will make a sense of cultural and political vertigo inevitable ... (Read the rest of this post, or the whole conversation, in DoubleX.)

In Defense of Mail-Order Romance

Lera Loeb, fashion blogger and self-described "mail-order bride," takes to the pages of Glamour to defend her relationship. Given the power a citizen can wield over a foreigner desperate for a green card, we're all familiar with stories of this kind that end badly. But Loeb's marriage is happy, and hers is a story about stigma... (To read the rest of this post, visit our new website DoubleX.com.)

Fools’ Names and Fools’ Faces on Facebook

Edwards Does Oprah

In her much-discussed Tuesday column on Elizabeth Edwards, Maureen Dowd wrote:

Elizabeth said when they married, the only gift she asked John for was to be faithful.

Waiting for Mom's Marriage Marching Orders

As Dayo points out, there is much to puzzle over in Mark Regnerus' push for earlier marriages in the Washington Post. For one, we're never actually told why late marriage is a problem, only that marriage "wisely entered into" has various social and economic benefits. (Note the hedge; bad marriages hit wellbeing hard.) We're told that the "fault" for this trend "lies less with indecisive young people than it does with us, their parents." Where is the evidence for this claim? It would seem to contradict a decade of research weighing the influence of parents versus the influence of peer groups. No responsible sociologist would privilege the influence of parents over the influence of friends in reference to say, declining birth rates; is there something special about marriage? Or is it just convenient to pretend that the desire for late marriage is imposed from above, forcing young women into a position they'd rather avoid?

Because he refuses to allow for the possibility that 21-year-olds just don't want to get married, Regnerus backs himself into a contradiction. He portrays young women as fickle children, desirous of marriage yet incapable of resisting the demands of career-focused parents. But given the thrust of the argument, he also needs to portray the same women as independent, responsible decision makers. "Most young women," he asserts, "are mature enough to handle marriage." Which is it? Surely a college kid helplessly subject to the whims of her mother is not ready for a ring.

I'm less troubled by the piece's clumsy condescension than its attempt to sell ideology as sociology. Regnerus claims that marriage is environmentally beneficial without any acknowledgment of the fact that marriages occasionally produce children, whose existence will surely wipe out the energy-saving benefits of combining households.  He simply states, without explanation, that late marriage is an "emotional problem." Objective! But remember, we're doing science here, ladies: Though it may not be "cool" to state the cold, hard facts, Regnerus sighs, "My job is to map trends, not to affirm them." Oh, the courage.

Maternal Age, Autism, and Agency

Meghan, I was reminded of your comment about young women being bludgeoned with reports of their declining fertility after age 35 when reading about a new study on autism that claims that autism may be linked to moms 35 years or older. This study, from the University of Utah, also found that autism is more likely in first-born children and also in babies born breech. However, even though the write-up of the study on the website ScienceDaily is quick to note that the research "didn't identify a causal relationship" between these things and autism, I fear this will just be another weapon in Mark Regnerus' arsenal. Especially since:

Their investigation showed that the mother's age when giving birth (older than 34), breech presentation, and being firstborn were significant risk factors for the development of an [autism spectrum disorder]. The researchers also identified a small but significant relationship between the increased duration of education among mothers of those children. 

Of course, they don't mention in the article that perhaps more educated mothers get better medical care, and their children are diagnosed with autism more not because they are more likely to have the disorder…but because it's diagnosed more frequently. As you pointed out, Meghan, agency is key here. We're all well aware of the risks of waiting to have children later (even though this particular study seems dubious), and I don't see why a "small but significant" correlation between late child bearing and autism should make us all rush out to get knocked up in our 20s.

Oppressive, Archaic Institutions and Why We Love Them

Same-sex marriage has been more of a battleground in the United States than in most other countries because marriage is more important to Americans than to people in other countries... In some European countries, gay and lesbian activists are asking instead: why, at this late date, should we buy into the oppressive, archaic institution of marriage? But in the United States many advocates say that only a marriage ring guarantees first-class citizenship. And they are right, because marriage matters more here than elsewhere.

Love Is Knowing When Saying Less Is Saying More?

Jessica, I agree with you about Layng Martine's over-sharing; his unconditional love certainly doesn't give him the right to reveal way TMI about his wife's diminished physical capacity and her inability to control her bodily functions. I must admit those details made me recoil as well. I would never, ever want my husband to share this sort of detail with millions of NY Times readers. I assumed he must have done so with his wife's blessings, and I hope he at least had enough respect for her privacy to ask for permission to write it. That said, I think the details added a layer of intellectual honesty to the piece and illustrated that even though the challenges in the marriage posed by his wife's disability were very real, and sometimes very unpleasant, they still managed over the years to retain a strong love and partnership. Yes, they were able to go on long dreamy drives and spend hours at the beach, but in between their daily life was, well, no day at the beach. To me this was the crux of the piece: They've managed to stay together and, at least from his perspective, to stay in love. He does sound as if he might be over-romanticizing their situation a bit, but I tried not to judge him because, after all, he is talking about a unique circumstance that he lives every day, and he does seem to be speaking sincerely from his heart. Still, I would have loved to hear her side of the story to see if it meshes neatly with his.